Tag Archives: manifesting

HOPES. & dreams…

Hopes and dreams. two sides of the same coin. so close, but so far away.

I am speaking of the word hopes in the sense of your desires that you wish to achieve someday. Your hopes are usually seen in your mind’s eye as as desired experience that you don’t currently have… it is seen as a future event, one that may or may not happen.

When I use the word dreams, I am not speaking of the mind travel and events that happen while we are sleeping; I am referring to the vision you hold of experiencing one or more of your desires. In the dreams of your desires, you are an active participant and you are seeing yourself in the moment of experiencing such events. In dreams of this manner, you are imagining yourself in the experience, in a present moment state, to the point of feeling it (as best you can imagine) as if you are actually experiencing it. While envisioning your dreams your heart will pulse at a different pace, your brain will begin to give signals as if you were actually experiencing the event, you are immersed within the experience in that moment.

Hopes are always based on a future event.

Dreams are envisioned in present moment.

 

Hopes are an unfulfilled desire. 

 

Dreams are seeing/feeling yourself experiencing that which is desired.

Now, don’t get me wrong… we all need hope. The point is, don’t get stuck in the hope stage. Hope helps you realize what it is that you desire, then you need to take it up a notch and begin to dream about achieving those desired experiences as if you already have them in your present moment.

There is a great shift that happens within this.

Since we create our experiences by the energy/thoughts/feelings that we send out, then take a look at the energy that is being sent out with these two concepts.

Hope is sending out: “I don’t have something and I hope I will someday.”

Dreams are sending out: “I am experiencing my chosen desires.”

Since hope is based in future events, it keeps sending out an energy that will keep these events in the future.

Since dreaming/imagining is based in the present tense, it sends out an energy that will allow you to experience the desire in your present moment.

If your hopes and dreams keep eluding you, you may want to put more energy into the dream part.

Begin to imagine your greatest desires as if you are already experiencing them. With this, you will have a greater chance of experiencing them.

Your hopes and dreams are two sides of the same coin; they work together to help you achieve your desires. Don’t get stuck on the HOPE side, be sure to remember to flip the coin and start to DREAM, imagining yourself in the moment of your desired experiences.

Focus on your dreams. see yourself living them. feel yourself living them.

SEE it, FEEL it… BE it.

“Everything is energy and thats all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”

Albert Einstein

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The journey to loving myself: Part 5 – Conscious Creation

Please begin with:  Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

What happens when you don’t realize that your thoughts, expectations and emotions are creating your reality?

And, What happens when you already know that your thoughts, expectations and emotions are creating your reality – but you don’t realize that fear has crept in and taken over your life? Well, I’m pretty sure if you were to google it, my picture would pop up. 

My point is this, most people don’t even realize how we create our experiences, and even those who do know how sometimes become blindsided by fears or beliefs that are hidden deep inside of them.

In my situation, (explained in Part 4) I didn’t recognize that I had been encased in a deep well of fear. Until I came to the realization that my life had been stealthily invaded by my fears – my fears were in the driver’s seat of my life experience.

Years before the event of my grand revelation of fear, I was introduced to Quantum Physics. I learned that there is an entire science, one of the most accurate and widely accepted sciences ever known on our planet, that fully supports the processes I had been using to purposefully create and manifest my reality. Low and behold there is a science that backed up what I had been doing!

Basically, everything you see, taste, touch, hear and smell is a vibration of energy. Everything that appears as solid, is not actually solid at all – it is a dense frequency (vibration) of energy. Even our thoughts are energy. When we think a thought it creates a vibration, a frequency of energy, that emanates from us. When we feel an emotion, we are sending out a frequency of energy.

When we send out a particular frequency of energy, the matching frequencies nearby will begin to also vibrate.

For example: Hold two tuning forks that are both calibrated to the same note (frequency), one in each hand. Then strike one of them to make it vibrate and sing, leaving the other untouched (other than holding it). Then hold the two forks about 6 inches to a foot apart and the untouched one will also begin to vibrate and sing.

This is why people of the same energy/life philosophies/interests eventually find each other. Positive thinkers will find each other and negative thinkers will find each other. Happy people find other happy people and sad people will find other sad people. And, just like the polar ends of magnets, opposing groups will repel their polar opposite. Someone who is a pessimist cannot stand to be around someone who is a perky optimist… and visa versa.

In the same manner that we are naturally attracted to people of our same energy, our thoughts, emotions and expectations attract for us our life experiences. This is exactly what I had started doing in the mid 1990’s – I changed my frequency (my thoughts, expectations and emotions) and my experience began to change to match that frequency.

Everything is energy and thats all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.

Albert Einstein

 

What a minute! Hold up – stop right there! I am a very positive thinking person, so why is it that I am not getting the results of what I really want?

I had to ask myself this,

What is the strongest frequency coming from me? 

In my case, the strongest frequency coming from me was something I didn’t realize I was sending out – fear, pure and simple.

My hopes and dreams did not match up with the fears and beliefs that I was holding in my core; and guess which one was giving off the greater vibration? My hopes and dreams didn’t have a chance.

Think about this, which do you think has a greater fighting chance:

  1. The thoughts in our head (hopes and dreams). The energy coming from this avenue can be sporadic at best. Even if we spend much of your day thinking and dreaming of something, compare it to this…
  2. The fears/beliefs/expectations we are holding in our core belief system.  The energy coming from this avenue runs constantly, 24/7/365. This energy has been running constantly since we were a child and it has had time to build upon itself and grow stronger and stronger and stronger. It is so ingrained into the fiber of our being that we don’t even know it is there. This becomes our autopilot.

How can I compete with fears and beliefs that I don’t even know I am holding? And how in the world do I figure out what I am holding at my core?

Grab a pen and paper for this exercise – I promise it will be worth doing.

Write down every “life is…”quote, every world view, every opinion others had about you – positive or negative – that you can remember from your past. Go back as far as you can remember. Start with your parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, teachers, friends and enemies. Don’t analyze them, simply write down everything you can remember being told as a child – good or bad. Once you fill up a page or two you can stop.

I want you to now take a look back at your life and pull up the memories of things that didn’t go as you had hoped and dreamed. Now, does the outcome of your experiences look as if they could have been filtered through the ideas and opinions upon that page or two you just wrote down?

I have come to learn that many of my core beliefs/expectations/fears were passed down to me by those around me from the time I was a small child. I can still hear their voices as they said these things to me and around me. Some of them were good for my sense of self worth… and some of them were not. The words I had written on that page, in many cases, had became my core beliefs from a young age and they shaped me well into adulthood. I am thankful for some of those beliefs and others, well lets just say I was ready to let them go and create some new ones.

To be continued… Part 6

In Part 6 I explain how I began to let things go and take on my new set of core beliefs.

 

 

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The journey to loving myself: Part 4 – Fear Factor

Please begin with :  Part 1  ; Part 2  ; Part 3 

jimmy at 6 flaGS

“What the hell are you so afraid of?”

“What are you talking about? You know I don’t operate out of fe…..a……….r”

I couldn’t even finish the word fear before my mind was flooded with fear.

“Omgosh! I am completely afraid of losing everything…” 

At first, when my friend asked me that question, I was almost insulted. You see, fear was not a factor for me in the early years of owning my own businesses; and because of this, my response to her question was automatic. For all of the previous 14 years in business I was so used to operating without (much) fear, I didn’t seem to recognize it as it crept into and took over my life… and my business!

How did I not see this happening?

I should know better. I learned how to purposefully manifest in the mid 1990’s and I had been using this knowledge to create some amazing results in both my businesses and my life. And one of the key elements in manifesting purposefully is to recognize and face your fears; but how quickly I forgot.

Fear is a sneaky little devil… and very often your ego is not your best friend.

Basically, unbeknownst to me, my hidden fears were shaping my reality. At that moment I was staring down the fiery throat of my deepest, darkest fears… and they were about to come true!

Since my business was crashing and burning around me, it became impossible to pay myself. I eventually fell several months behind on both my house and car payments. I was in the process of losing my business, that was a reality, and soon to follow would be my car and, heaven forbid, my home.  If I lost the house, there would have been no way to keep my entire large family of rescue animals together. These animals have become my children and my love for them is immense – they are my family.

Over the years I have learned a lot about fear (and in this case, I was about to learn more). Fear is basically “False Evidence/Expectations Appearing Real”. It is a perceived idea of something that could happen, and you expect that it might happen, though it has not yet become part of your current reality –  thus it is false evidence appearing as real. It is not real because it is not actually a part of your current reality.  

At the moment one of your false expectations begins to actually manifest into your life, it is no longer a fear – it has crossed over into your reality. So yes, just as dreams can come true, so also can fears.

One such example of a fear crossing over into my reality was the collapsing of the business beneath my feet. That, my friends, had become a reality. Losing the house and the car were well on their way to happening, but at that moment in time the house and car were still in my possession. Luckily for me the losing of the house and car were still just in the fear stage.

The day when I realized that I was encased in a deep well of my darkest fears, I was very pissed off at myself for letting it happen. That evening, when I went on my walk, I began to call forth my fears.

“OK. What am I afraid of?” 

One by one my fears came to me. As one would pop into my head, I would ask what I needed to learn from it, I then thanked it for what it came to teach me and I sent it off.  I am not saying these fears magically disappeared, though I was purposefully releasing them from my current thoughts. I do believe that during that walk, some of those fears dissipated into nothing once I began to look at them individually and see that they were simply false evidence. And some of them were deep fears that may always stay somewhere within me, though now much closer to the surface where I could monitor them. I knew that if my fears remained in the dark they would forever rule me. This process of looking at my fears seems to remove much of their power over me.

I knew that as long as they were still in the fear stage and not the reality stage, I had a much better chance.

What I have come to know in my own life experience about my thoughts (my fears or my dreams) – they will only cross over into my reality if I continue to feed them enough expectant energy. And when I say feed them, I simply mean thinking about them, and expending emotion while thinking about them. The more intense the energy with which I think of and expect something to happen, the greater the energy I am feeding this thought into becoming my reality.

As I have in the past with bringing my dreams into reality, I knew that I needed to direct my thoughts, expectations and emotions in the direction I wanted to go… rather than remain focused upon the current mess I was in.

If I do not purposefully give myself a new reality to focus upon, I will not be able to stop my brain from thinking about the fear. So, just as I have written business plans in my past, I began writing down my new reality; and the trick for me was/is to write it in the present moment, as if it is already in my reality. I would then spend as much time imagining this reality and begin feeling it as if it was actually there. Isn’t this exactly what I did, with great passion, to create the businesses and my past successes?

Don’t feed any idea you don’t want to see sitting on top of your plate staring back at you. Feed only the ideas you want to see grow.  

I also have learned that this is a process that can take some time. It doesn’t always take a long time, though I am sometimes a slow learner. When you are as deep in the well as I was, it wasn’t as simple as choosing new thoughts, adding instant passion and presto! My passion for the new reality had to build and grow to become greater than the energy that created my current situation. Here in lies the challenge. I was now learning how to manifest in the face of my greatest fears and having to do so during the lowest point in my life – when I didn’t even have the fortitude to turn on my computer. I figured it would be a long haul, though I was determined to keep moving forward to change my current situation. In the months that followed I was able to sell off enough of my personal items to get current on the house and car, and yes, my family stayed together. The entire process of getting myself to the point where I could honestly say “I am living in the most peaceful stage of my life” took approximately 5 years.

The exciting part in all of this is that it was my thoughts, my expectations and my choices that got me into my mess. I use the word exciting because I could also do the same to get me out of my mess. I could choose new thoughts to create the reality of my choice. And guess who has control over my chosen thoughts? Yep, you guessed it. Me.

So,

  1. if my thoughts create my reality…
  2. and, I have full command to chosen ANY thought…
  3. that puts me in the command seat – my reality is my choice.

This is the power of creating consciously.

What happens when we create unconsciously? (Hint: start at the beginning of this post.)

I’ll explain more in Part 5.

To be continued…

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thank you for reading!

peace, love, Jimmy

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The journey to loving myself: Part 3 – My Dark Period

Please begin with: Part 1 ;  Part 2

“I think it is time we begin to see other people…”

My first reaction was, “Do we have to do this now… when my business is collapsing beneath my feet?” I cannot remember if I said this out loud or just in my head, but I said it nonetheless. The time was in the early months of 2008, soon after the big crash of the US economy.

Even though the 14.5 year relationship that was ending was probably about 4.5 years past its expiration date, it was the only thing that was consistent in my life. Less than three years prior, in 2005, I walked away from a company I created and built to a moderate success.

In 2005, exactly 5.5 weeks after walking awayI put together a new company and started all over from scratch. Needless to say, these were tumultuous years, but nothing like what I was about to experience beginning in those early months of 2008. The ground beneath my feet was shifting so quickly I am not sure that I was actually standing; and it didn’t stop shifting for another four years.

My friends have called this my Dark Period. Those four years were the most difficult of my entire life. Though, I am now very thankful for those years, because if things hadn’t happened as they did I would not have found the peace and true happiness that I am now experiencing. For me, it was all worth it.

In January of 2008 as the economy collapsed, so followed my business. Somehow, without any funding, I kept the company afloat with sheer determination and the will to not give up. I remember saying, “They will have to pry this company out of my dead bleeding hands…” and they nearly did.

By mid 2008, when it was obvious that we were not recovering from the crash, I had to begin laying off my staff one by one until it was just me and one other person. By 2009 we had moved out of our beautiful new offices and into my home office. That one employee I had left, Maggie, ran my office until the end of 2010 and worked several months with neither a paycheck nor a complaint. I had stopped paying myself back in the early months of 2008. From 2009-2010 I made, packed and shipped all of my candles by myself (with occasional part-time help). The warehouse I was forced to use as my production facility had no air-conditioning or proper ventilation. Temperatures inside would reach around 120 with all the wax melters running during the Texas summers. I was often working 6-7 days a week and not taking care of my health. My eating habits turned into (I’m now horrified to say this) what I could afford on the dollar menu at fast food restaurants. I was killing myself with my work load, the working conditions,  the stress of my mounting debt and my dollar menu diet. I don’t remember having much if any joy in my life…

Since I had stopped paying myself in 2008, I had no money left and no more room on credit cards by early 2010. Some of my greatest fears were coming true. I was so behind on my car payment that I began to park down the block so the repo men wouldn’t find it. I was also several months behind on the house mortgage and received a notice that if I didn’t make a payment that month, they were going to begin the foreclosure process. Adding to the pressure of this, I had been a rescuer of animals for over 15 years at that point and had a house and yard full of animals that depended upon me. They were my family. If I lost the house, there would have been no way for me to keep my family of animals together. I was on the verge of losing EVERYTHING.

By 2011 I was nearly dead; physically, emotionally and spiritually. In order to save the house and keep food for my dogs, I had to sell off many of my personal belongins, including my prized possessions, my Big Boy statues.

IMG_0743

Bye-bye BIG BOYS!

 In 2011 I received some reprieve when I licensed my candle brand to another company. This removed the daily stress of making and shipping candles off my plate, though it still left me with no income. I applied at every job I could think of, though no one seemed to want to hire someone who had been an entrepreneur for the past 20+ years. I literally was starving. Any money I could scrap up went into keeping the roof over my head, my car on the road and food for my animals. I had no spare money for anything.

I learned how to live on $5 a week from a friend. He told me about the real Mexican grocery stores, the ones where all the signs are in Spanish, and how they would always have some sort of (unidentifiable) meat on sale for $0.99 per pound. I would go there and buy $5 worth and live on it for a week. I would cook the hell out of it on my George Foreman Grill to kill anything that could possibly kill me. If I was lucky a friend would give me some barbecue sauce to make it, whatever it was, tolerable.  Yes, I am serious, I was that poor. The only time I saw a vegetable is when Maggie would invite me over to eat.

During this time I was rather lucky that my dogs had relatively good health and did not require much… if they had, I would not have been able to afford taking them to the vet. There were only a couple of events that happened where I had to turn my kitchen into a triage unit and emergency room. I saved one of my special needs puppies life with a chip clip when one of the other dogs ate 3/4’s of her IMG_0825IMG_0972ear off. That is a long

story, but she lived.  

Hippity Hop in the emergency room (my kithen) and her bi-level look afterwards.

I am usually a very social person, and by the spring of 2011 I had been living as a complete hermit for a few years. My dogs had heard all of my jokes and when they began to recite my punchlines back to me, in unison, I knew it was time to get out of the house and become social again – with humans. Who would have thought that a visit to The Round Up, a Country & Western Saloon and Dancehall, would change the course of my life forever?

To be continued. Part 4 (click here)

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thanks for reading!

Jimmy

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MASTER of my peace

I have lost THREE businesses, for three different reasons, and through it all I maintained my peace. Even though some would look at these as failures, I look at them as winnings (yes, seriously). The immense power of peace in your life is priceless. You may have lost everything, or in my case nearly everything, but if you hold onto your peace – you win.

He who lives with the most peace wins!

Candle Company #1 early/mid 1990’s Design Initiative Group/DIG/DigWARE/DigGlo: We grew to moderate success selling to up market stores such as Neiman’s, middle market stores such as Urban Outfitters and mass market stores such as Clair’s Boutiques. We had enough success that the government gave us a Small Business loan for $350,000 to help us expand. Within a year of the loan, I was notified by my business partner that he was taking actions that would close the doors to our candle company. I was overwhelmed with fear. I know what the onset of a deep depression feels like…I couldn’t pull myself from bed for a couple of days. I woke up one morning, stood up and said, “I am turning this into THE BEST THING that could have ever happened FOR ME!” And that I did.  FIVE and ½ weeks later, I was up and running with a new candle company.

Candle Company #2 1998 Er’go Candle: It was with this company that I helped introduce Soy Candles to the nation by marketing nationally to the upper-end gift and spa industries. At the pinnacle of our success, I was featured on CNN during Prime Time, News Night with Aaron Brown in a piece on up-and-coming entrepreneurs, called ON THE RISE. Sitting there that night, watching CNN, at what was the height of my personal success, an event that should have brought me great joy, I knew in my heart it was the beginning of the end. I am a very positive person, but in this case it was my gut talking.

My name and image was becoming important for the brand (think, Colonel Sanders and KFC). Though this exact scenario was my vision for the brand, it wasn’t the image held by a group of my investors, a family who happened to own the majority of the shares. I knew that evening, while watching CNN, that group of investors could not allow this to happen. If my name and image became too interwoven within the brand, they might lose some control. Approximately 3 months later I was voted out of my company.

Several days after I was voted off my Island, I took a week long cruise to clear my head and receive inspiration. And I did exactly that by staying PRESENT on that cruise and not spending ANY time on what had just transpired. I also knew that I didn’t want to create what I was going to do next from my mind, but instead be inspired from my inner spirit – for that reason I did not spend ANY time trying to figure out what I was going to do next. The trick, I had learned over the years of creating from my inner spirit, is to remain PRESENT in the MOMENT during these times of inspiration and let go of the past and don’t worry about the future. On the last day of that cruise, it was as if an information bubble encapsulated me with the full concept for my new company. And yet again,  5 and ½ weeks after I stepped off the cruise ship I was up and running with a new candle company. (I’m not sure why with both businesses it took exactly 5 ½ weeks to get them going, but that is amazingly what happened.)

Candle Company #3 2005 Jimmy Belasco Soy Candles: With this company, in the 5.5 weeks it took to put everything together, we also happened to design packaging that won Best New Product Packaging for our category (candles/fragrance/bath & body) at the NY International Gift Fair. We began to experience some moderate success when, in the early months of 2008, the bottom fell out of the US economy. With the drop in the economy along with some poor timing on decisions made in the months earlier, my company started to bleed money. Over the next few years, I experienced the collapse of my business. After completely exhausting all of my resources (financially, physically, spiritually & emotionally) I licensed my brand to a larger candle company in the beginning of 2011. After a year, I finally decided to call it quits – there was not more peace, love or joy in that business for me.

At the end of each of these businesses, for the most part, I maintained my peace. I usual choose to look at these sorts of tumultuous events as happening FOR ME, for my highest good… instead of TO ME or against me.   In the first two businesses at the very end, if I had spent ANY time regretting the past I would not have been focused enough to start an entirely new company in FIVE and half weeks. In each instance, in just over ONE month, I was able to create a new company, develop a full collection of fragrances, design new packaging, have samples of the new packaging produced, design and print new catalogs and have it all set up in showrooms across the country in the 6 major markets! All of that, plus a whole lot more in FIVE and a HALF WEEKS! It still amazes me that I was able to that, TWICE!

The ONLY way this was possible is because I stayed PRESENT IN THE MOMENT. I had to let go of my past and focus upon my present moment if I wanted to succeed in launching those candle lines. I am not Superman, in fact I am rather normal. What I am good at is remaining focused on the present and letting go of the past. By me letting go, I was able to maintain my peace. Because I was at peace during the process, I was able to accomplish some amazing things in a very short period of time.

Letting go is your key to peace. There is much power in a person who is able to maintain their peace.

He who lives with the most peace wins!

Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. (sung to the tune of Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow)

If you look at the case of candle company #2, technically, they walked away with the business I created, but I walked away with my peace. In this case I feel happy because I gained a level of peace in the process that I might not have been able to if the circumstances hadn’t played out as they did. This is why in the middle of a tumultuous situation I try not to judge the events as “bad”… they simply “are what they are“. I see these events as something that will end up for my highest good. It has sometimes been difficult to see things this way when the sh#t is hitting the fan, but I have had enough experience to know and trust that it can be the BEST thing that could happen… as long as I continue to keep that point of view. And trust me, because I know for myself, if you think it is the worst thing that could happen to you, you will also end up being right.

 

This universe is a magical place, whichever direction you choose in life; life is happy or life is sad, Life is good or life is bad… you will ALWAYS be right!

let it go let it go let it go

peace, love, jimmy

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good VIBRATIONS

If you have a row of tuning forks, each of different notes, all lined up together and you were to introduce a duplicate of one of these forks and activate it with a thud of your hand – you would soon notice that one of the forks that is lined up will also begin to vibrate and sing…and all of the others will sit still and silent. When you look more closely, you will notice that the one that is now singing along will be of the same note to which your hand activated fork is tuned; they are both tuned to the same frequency.

 

Matching frequencies will find each other and begin to resonate with each other.

 

Everything we can see and not see in this universe is a vibration… waves of energy. Everything from the colors we see with our eyes, the thoughts we think with our mind, the feelings we feel within our hearts, the planet beneath our feet, the sun up in the sky to the stars throughout our universe – all of these are waves of vibratory energy.

 

Our experiences in this life are all based upon vibrations and frequencies; and our thoughts and feelings are the most powerful frequencies we have in creating our life experiences. Your life experience will only be that of which you are vibrating, or in this case thinking and feeling…and can be nothing other.

 

You cannot make the other forks in the line sing along with your frequency if they don’t match with your frequency.

 

If you are not pleased with the life frequency you are experiencing, then change your frequency to that of the life experience you wish to experience. Once you begin to vibrate at a different rate, you will automatically draw to you the matching vibrations, or frequencies…or life experiences. Use the vibrations you have at your disposal – your thoughts and your feelings and begin to think and feel your way to a new frequency.

 

And the wonderful part of all of this – only you can choose which frequency you wish to vibrate. You have your power of choice. Please use it mindfully.

 

“Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.” – Albert Einstein

 

“Imagination is everything; it is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” – Albert Einstein

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The journey to loving myself: Part 1

The dropping of the H-Bomb.

As I stood there, my mind exploded with images of how great I would look in my new clothing as I strutted down the hallway, flashing people the peace sign, on my way to my classroom on that first day of school. Every head would turn and gasp in awe of my grooviness!

My dream had finally come true!

Before me stood rack after groovy rack of the most spectacular clothing I have ever seen in person. And they were mine for the choosing! This clothing was every bit as exciting as I imagined possible from what I had seen on TV, especially The Jim Nabors Hour. That Gomer Pyle could sing and he wore the coolest clothes.

Because we were the poor preacher’s kids, the Muirhead’s (members of our church when my dad preached in Dearborn, who owned a very high end department store) invited us to come to their store and each pick out 2-3 outfits before school started. Dreamy-eyed and jumping for joy (in my head), I stood in awe with my mom in the Boy’s Clothing department at the opulent Muirhead’s Department Store in Dearborn Michigan. 

As I stood there contemplating which of these wonderful outfits I would try on first I heard something through the purple haze of my glory… 

“Excuse me ma’am…”

                                      “Mom! Isn’t this clothing amazzz………..”

 “… you seem to be in the wrong section…” 

(audible screeching halt)

                          “What?!” 

I snapped my head around just in time to witness as this very tall, very well dressed sales woman (yes, that is what we used to call them) paused just long enough to look over her shoulders, in either direction. I guess she was checking to see if the coast was clear for what she was about to do.

“Ahem, you see ma’am, this section is for…  slim boys

Then, in a tone as if she was speaking of a horrible and unthinkable disease, and ever so slightly more maliciously, as if she knew she was about to drop the H-bomb on a little boys heart, she uttered,

“… your boy is…     obviously,      HUSKY.” 

 

As the mushroom cloud was forming above my head, and before I could completely comprehend what exactly just happened, she flipped and turned to lead us to the department especially assigned for my “type”.

I remember vividly taking the long walk of shame to the dark, rear corner of the boys department as I was placed in front of the ugliest rack of beige clothing I have ever seen.

The letters of the sign hanging over the one, singularly sad rack of clothing, designed especially for fat little boys like me, simply read for the entire world to see, in big fat, chunky bold letters – HUSKY BOYS.

 

My life was over.

                                              “HUSKY?!?!

                                                           “obviously!?!?

It was official. At 11:28 am on August 11th, in the year 1971, at the age of 7:

I was fat unlovable…and obviously not worthy of groovy clothing.

 

This moment in time forged the basis for my self image that would follow me for the rest of my life into adulthood.  

…to be continued.  (click here for part 2)

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