The journey to loving myself: Part 6 – Letting go

Please begin with Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4 / Part 5 

May, 2005. At the exact moment the gavel came down to close the shareholder’s meeting that officially voted me out of the company I had created and turned into a multi-million dollar business, I looked at my phone and the time was 11:11 am. What could have been my perfect Joan Crawford “Don’t f&ck with me fellas…” moment, turned into an equally awkward moment for those who had voted me out because at that very instant a very peaceful smile took possession of my face. It was actually funny to watch their faces go from a victorious, “hell yeah! we are sticking it to you!” to a completely baffled “WTF!? Uh oh, why is he smiling?!”

What, you ask, could bring a smile to my face when I had just been voted out of my own company? I am not sure that I can fully explain it, but I will try.

This was a company that I loved very much; I often referred to it as my baby. It was the culmination of all I had learned in the wonderful world of candles. It was with this company that I introduced soy wax to the nation. We were selling millions of dollars worth of candles each year, I was at the top of my game and had recently been featured on CNN News Night with Aaron Brown in a featured segment for up and coming entrepreneurs, called ON THE RISE. The piece was beautifully produced. It was a priceless advertisement for my brand. Though, while I was with friends in Seattle watching what should have been the pinnacle highlight of my career, my gut was telling me it was all about to end.

My face, my name and my newly developed cartoon image/mascot (which was heavily featured in the CNN piece), was about to become, in the eyes of the majority shareholders, too important for the company; think Colonel Sanders and KFC. If this happened, I would gain more power, even though I didn’t hold the majority of the shares, because my name and image would become permanently linked to the business. I knew this group of investors could not and would not let this happen. Approximately 3 months later, the gavel came down at 11:11 am. Why is the time so important? Let me explain.

In the last months of my participation in the company, it was becoming very clear that the group of majority shareholders had intentions on moving in a direction that, not only was I not included, but quite frankly, I wasn’t interested in going. During these last months I began to see the number 11 everywhere. Every time I would look at a clock, it always included an 11; 2:11, 3:11, 6:11 and twice a day for months I happened to look at the clock twice a day at exactly 11:11.

I mentioned this to a friend and she told me that it was the universe trying to let me know that I was on the right path, like a thumbs up. I liked this idea and so that is how I looked at it. As I would see an 11, I would let go of my stress and think to myself, “I am on the right path…”

So, by the time it came to that fateful meeting and gavel came down at exactly 11:11, officially removing me from my company and my company from me, I was flush with peace. I can’t really explain it, but in that moment I knew I would be OK and a smile, a very genuine and peaceful smile brightened up my face. And again, in that very instant, I began to let it go.

Let it go, let it go, let it go!

And that is what I did. At the end of that week I was on a cruise ship, to who knows where and it didn’t matter, to clear my head and let it all go. Many times before I have created from an inspired place and knew that I needed to remain as present as possible in order to do so. I had to let go of all the drama that had just taken over my life for the past several months as well as let go of trying to figure out where I was going next and what I was going to do. I knew that if I could remain present long enough the answers would come to me. I knew I wanted to stay in the candle business, though I had no clue as to what I should do. And let me tell you, a cruise is the perfect place to do this. I surprisingly remained rather present on that cruise and by the trip’s end, it was as if a huge bubble of information enveloped me with the complete concept of my new company. The only caveat, we were fast approaching the major gift show season, and it was only 5 1/2 weeks away. We had to be ready to go by then.

5 and 1/2 weeks after I stepped off of that ship, I was at market with my new company. We launched 17 new fragrances, designed new catalogs and had them printed as well as new packaging, we were set up in 6 showrooms across the country in all the major markets, along with 50+ sales reps. All of this happened in 5 and 1/2 weeks. This is a feat that still astonishes me!

The only way this could happen is because I was able to let it go, let it go, let it go… and I remained present in the moment. The amazing part to all of this is the lack of stress during this period. Yes, I worked long hours and a lot had to come together in a very short period of time, though somehow I had remained at peace throughout the process. I have come to realize over the years that when I am experiencing a lot of stress, if I stop and take a step back and look at the cause of my stress, it is usually because I am focused either on something from the past or worrying about something in the future. When I refocus upon the present moment, my stress mysteriously goes away.

11:11 was simply a tool I used to help stay present. As I see them now, it is simply a reminder for me to let go of the past, let go of worrying about the future… and remain focused upon the present moment.

I am coming to realize that all good things happen while I am present in the moment; the experience and expression of love, the appreciation of beauty and of course the experience of peace. All of what I was learning would ultimately help me in creating a life that I now describe as peaceful. Ahhh, nothing beats a peaceful life… and I mean nothing.

To be continued…

To receive an email when I post, please find the FOLLOW tab.

Thanks for reading!

Jimmy

 

F@RG!VE Y@U!

I was about to write a post about Letting go and the word forgive popped into my mind. Letting go is a form of forgiving. So, I decided to look up the definition of the word forgive, and this is what I found:

for·give

verb

To stop feeling angry or resentful toward (someone) for an offense, flaw, or mistake.

This is interesting. Nearly every source dictionary for the word forgive stated the same thing. So why is it that most people think that when you forgive someone you are letting the offender “off the hook” for what they did?

Clearly the definition of forgive is an act of letting yourself off the hook by releasing your anger and resentment. We all know or have a pretty good idea what stress does to our health (hint, stress is recognized as the #1 proxy killer disease today. The American Medical Association has noted that stress is the basic cause of more than 60% of all human illness and disease).

Holding anger and resentment does nothing but add to your own stress… the other person may not feel a thing. If anything, you might be giving the other person exactly what they want!

Think about it. When someone is doing something to hurt you, what are they trying to take from you? It has nothing to do with the money or the property or the words or the punches… it has everything to do with them wanting to separate you from your PEACE. And the more you spin out of control, the more upset you become, the more disconnected you become from your peace – the more you give them exactly what they want.

What happens to their plan when you let it go and maintain your peace? Who just won?

Read the definition of forgive again… forgiveness is an act of love to yourself. Let karma play itself out for any wrong someone else may have done towards you. One way or another, they will pay for their transgressions… we all will. So, in turn, don’t create any of your own bad karma by wishing them ill will…

The greatest revenge you can have is to be at peace. The greatest gift you can give yourself is connecting with your peace… and letting go/forgiveness is the key.

He/she who lives with the most peace wins!

HOPES. & dreams…

Hopes and dreams. two sides of the same coin. so close, but so far away.

I am speaking of the word hopes in the sense of your desires that you wish to achieve someday. Your hopes are usually seen in your mind’s eye as as desired experience that you don’t currently have… it is seen as a future event, one that may or may not happen.

When I use the word dreams, I am not speaking of the mind travel and events that happen while we are sleeping; I am referring to the vision you hold of experiencing one or more of your desires. In the dreams of your desires, you are an active participant and you are seeing yourself in the moment of experiencing such events. In dreams of this manner, you are imagining yourself in the experience, in a present moment state, to the point of feeling it (as best you can imagine) as if you are actually experiencing it. While envisioning your dreams your heart will pulse at a different pace, your brain will begin to give signals as if you were actually experiencing the event, you are immersed within the experience in that moment.

Hopes are always based on a future event.

Dreams are envisioned in present moment.

 

Hopes are an unfulfilled desire. 

 

Dreams are seeing/feeling yourself experiencing that which is desired.

Now, don’t get me wrong… we all need hope. The point is, don’t get stuck in the hope stage. Hope helps you realize what it is that you desire, then you need to take it up a notch and begin to dream about achieving those desired experiences as if you already have them in your present moment.

There is a great shift that happens within this.

Since we create our experiences by the energy/thoughts/feelings that we send out, then take a look at the energy that is being sent out with these two concepts.

Hope is sending out: “I don’t have something and I hope I will someday.”

Dreams are sending out: “I am experiencing my chosen desires.”

Since hope is based in future events, it keeps sending out an energy that will keep these events in the future.

Since dreaming/imagining is based in the present tense, it sends out an energy that will allow you to experience the desire in your present moment.

If your hopes and dreams keep eluding you, you may want to put more energy into the dream part.

Begin to imagine your greatest desires as if you are already experiencing them. With this, you will have a greater chance of experiencing them.

Your hopes and dreams are two sides of the same coin; they work together to help you achieve your desires. Don’t get stuck on the HOPE side, be sure to remember to flip the coin and start to DREAM, imagining yourself in the moment of your desired experiences.

Focus on your dreams. see yourself living them. feel yourself living them.

SEE it, FEEL it… BE it.

“Everything is energy and thats all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”

Albert Einstein

The journey to loving myself: Part 5 – Conscious Creation

Please begin with:  Part 1 / Part 2 / Part 3 / Part 4

What happens when you don’t realize that your thoughts, expectations and emotions are creating your reality?

And, What happens when you already know that your thoughts, expectations and emotions are creating your reality – but you don’t realize that fear has crept in and taken over your life? Well, I’m pretty sure if you were to google it, my picture would pop up. 

My point is this, most people don’t even realize how we create our experiences, and even those who do know how sometimes become blindsided by fears or beliefs that are hidden deep inside of them.

In my situation, (explained in Part 4) I didn’t recognize that I had been encased in a deep well of fear. Until I came to the realization that my life had been stealthily invaded by my fears – my fears were in the driver’s seat of my life experience.

Years before the event of my grand revelation of fear, I was introduced to Quantum Physics. I learned that there is an entire science, one of the most accurate and widely accepted sciences ever known on our planet, that fully supports the processes I had been using to purposefully create and manifest my reality. Low and behold there is a science that backed up what I had been doing!

Basically, everything you see, taste, touch, hear and smell is a vibration of energy. Everything that appears as solid, is not actually solid at all – it is a dense frequency (vibration) of energy. Even our thoughts are energy. When we think a thought it creates a vibration, a frequency of energy, that emanates from us. When we feel an emotion, we are sending out a frequency of energy.

When we send out a particular frequency of energy, the matching frequencies nearby will begin to also vibrate.

For example: Hold two tuning forks that are both calibrated to the same note (frequency), one in each hand. Then strike one of them to make it vibrate and sing, leaving the other untouched (other than holding it). Then hold the two forks about 6 inches to a foot apart and the untouched one will also begin to vibrate and sing.

This is why people of the same energy/life philosophies/interests eventually find each other. Positive thinkers will find each other and negative thinkers will find each other. Happy people find other happy people and sad people will find other sad people. And, just like the polar ends of magnets, opposing groups will repel their polar opposite. Someone who is a pessimist cannot stand to be around someone who is a perky optimist… and visa versa.

In the same manner that we are naturally attracted to people of our same energy, our thoughts, emotions and expectations attract for us our life experiences. This is exactly what I had started doing in the mid 1990’s – I changed my frequency (my thoughts, expectations and emotions) and my experience began to change to match that frequency.

“Everything is energy and thats all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.”

Albert Einstein

 

“What a minute! Hold up – stop right there! I am a very positive thinking person, so why is it that I am not getting the results of what I really want?”

I had to ask myself this,

What is the strongest frequency coming from me? 

In my case, the strongest frequency coming from me was something I didn’t realize I was sending out – fear, pure and simple.

My hopes and dreams did not match up with the fears and beliefs that I was holding in my core; and guess which one was giving off the greater vibration? My hopes and dreams didn’t have a chance.

Think about this, which do you think has a greater fighting chance:

1. The thoughts in our head (hopes and dreams). The energy coming from this avenue can be sporadic at best. Even if we spend much of your day thinking and dreaming of something, compare it to this…
2. The fears/beliefs/expectations we are holding in our core belief system.  The energy coming from this avenue runs constantly, 24/7/365. This energy has been running constantly since we were a child and it has had time to build upon itself and grow stronger and stronger and stronger. It is so ingrained into the fiber of our being that we don’t even know it is there. This becomes our autopilot.

How can I compete with fears and beliefs that I don’t even know I am holding? And how in the world do I figure out what I am holding at my core?

Grab a pen and paper for this exercise – I promise it will be worth doing.

Write down every “life is…”quote, every world view, every opinion others had about you – positive or negative – that you can remember from your past. Go back as far as you can remember. Start with your parents, grandparents, uncles, aunts, siblings, teachers, friends and enemies. Don’t analyze them, simply write down everything you can remember being told as a child – good or bad. Once you fill up a page or two you can stop.

I want you to now take a look back at your life and pull up the memories of things that didn’t go as you had hoped and dreamed. Now, does the outcome of your experiences look as if they could have been filtered through the ideas and opinions upon that page or two you just wrote down?

I have come to learn that many of my core beliefs/expectations/fears were passed down to me by those around me from the time I was a small child. I can still hear their voices as they said these things to me and around me. Some of them were good for my sense of self worth… and some of them were not. The words I had written on that page, in many cases, had became my core beliefs from a young age and they shaped me well into adulthood. I am thankful for some of those beliefs and others, well lets just say I was ready to let them go and create some new ones.

To be continued… Part 6

In Part 6 I explain how I began to let things go and take on my new set of core beliefs.

 

 

The journey to loving myself: Part 4 – Fear Factor

Please begin with :  Part 1  ; Part 2  ; Part 3 

“What the hell are you so afraid of?”

“What are you talking about? You know I don’t operate out of fe…..a……….r”

I couldn’t even finish the word fear before my mind was flooded with fear.

“Omgosh! I am completely afraid of losing everything…” 

At first, when my friend asked me that question, I was almost insulted. You see, fear was not a factor for me in the early years of owning my own businesses; and because of this, my response to her question was automatic. For all of the previous 14 years in business I was so used to operating without (much) fear, I didn’t seem to recognize it as it crept into and took over my life… and my business!

How did I not see this happening?

I should know better. I learned how to purposefully manifest in the mid 1990’s and I had been using this knowledge to create some amazing results in both my businesses and my life. And one of the key elements in manifesting purposefully is to recognize and face your fears; but how quickly I forgot.

Fear is a sneaky little devil… and very often your ego is not your best friend.

Basically, unbeknownst to me, my hidden fears were shaping my reality. At that moment I was staring down the fiery throat of my deepest, darkest fears… and they were about to come true!

Since my business was crashing and burning around me, it became impossible to pay myself. I eventually fell several months behind on both my house and car payments. I was in the process of losing my business, that was a reality, and soon to follow would be my car and, heaven forbid, my home.  If I lost the house, there would have been no way to keep my entire large family of rescue animals together. These animals have become my children and my love for them is immense – they are my family.

Over the years I have learned a lot about fear (and in this case, I was about to learn more). Fear is basically “False Evidence/Expectations Appearing Real”. It is a perceived idea of something that could happen, and you expect that it might happen, though it has not yet become part of your current reality –  thus it is false evidence appearing as real. It is not real because it is not actually a part of your current reality.  

At the moment one of your false expectations begins to actually manifest into your life, it is no longer a fear – it has crossed over into your reality. So yes, just as dreams can come true, so also can fears.

One such example of a fear crossing over into my reality was the collapsing of the business beneath my feet. That, my friends, had become a reality. Losing the house and the car were well on their way to happening, but at that moment in time the house and car were still in my possession. Luckily for me the losing of the house and car were still just in the fear stage.

The day when I realized that I was encased in a deep well of my darkest fears, I was very pissed off at myself for letting it happen. That evening, when I went on my walk, I began to call forth my fears.

“OK. What am I afraid of?” 

One by one my fears came to me. As one would pop into my head, I would ask what I needed to learn from it, I then thanked it for what it came to teach me and I sent it off.  I am not saying these fears magically disappeared, though I was purposefully releasing them from my current thoughts. I do believe that during that walk, some of those fears dissipated into nothing once I began to look at them individually and see that they were simply false evidence. And some of them were deep fears that may always stay somewhere within me, though now much closer to the surface where I could monitor them. I knew that if my fears remained in the dark they would forever rule me. This process of looking at my fears seems to remove much of their power over me.

I knew that as long as they were still in the fear stage and not the reality stage, I had a much better chance.

What I have come to know in my own life experience about my thoughts (my fears or my dreams) – they will only cross over into my reality if I continue to feed them enough expectant energy. And when I say feed them, I simply mean thinking about them, and expending emotion while thinking about them. The more intense the energy with which I think of and expect something to happen, the greater the energy I am feeding this thought into becoming my reality.

As I have in the past with bringing my dreams into reality, I knew that I needed to direct my thoughts, expectations and emotions in the direction I wanted to go… rather than remain focused upon the current mess I was in.

If I do not purposefully give myself a new reality to focus upon, I will not be able to stop my brain from thinking about the fear. So, just as I have written business plans in my past, I began writing down my new reality; and the trick for me was/is to write it in the present moment, as if it is already in my reality. I would then spend as much time imagining this reality and begin feeling it as if it was actually there. Isn’t this exactly what I did, with great passion, to create the businesses and my past successes?

Don’t feed any idea you don’t want to see sitting on top of your plate staring back at you. Feed only the ideas you want to see grow.  

I also have learned that this is a process that can take some time. It doesn’t always take a long time, though I am sometimes a slow learner. When you are as deep in the well as I was, it wasn’t as simple as choosing new thoughts, adding instant passion and presto! My passion for the new reality had to build and grow to become greater than the energy that created my current situation. Here in lies the challenge. I was now learning how to manifest in the face of my greatest fears and having to do so during the lowest point in my life – when I didn’t even have the fortitude to turn on my computer. I figured it would be a long haul, though I was determined to keep moving forward to change my current situation. In the months that followed I was able to sell off enough of my personal items to get current on the house and car, and yes, my family stayed together. The entire process of getting myself to the point where I could honestly say “I am living in the most peaceful stage of my life” took approximately 5 years.

The exciting part in all of this is that it was my thoughts, my expectations and my choices that got me into my mess. I use the word exciting because I could also do the same to get me out of my mess. I could choose new thoughts to create the reality of my choice. And guess who has control over my chosen thoughts? Yep, you guessed it. Me.

So,

1. if my thoughts create my reality…
2. and, I have full command to chosen ANY thought…
3. that puts me in the command seat – my reality is my choice.

This is the power of creating consciously.

What happens when we create unconsciously? (Hint: start at the beginning of this post.)

I’ll explain more in Part 5.

To be continued…

To receive an email when I add posts to my journal, please find the FOLLOW tab on this site.

thank you for reading!

peace, love, Jimmy

Increasing your love quotient.

Increasing your love quotient with your partner.

 

Mabo and I both have a love for Country & Western dancing. We both have noticed that when we go dancing, it renews our love for each other. There is something magical about being in each others arms and looking into each others eyes while dancing around in a big circle upon that dance floor. The feeling of increased love is palpable – we both feel it and comment about it each time as it washes over us. I am so thankful that I have a partner who loves to dance as much (or more) than I do! This is something that we can do together that happens to increase our love quotient. We have both noticed that the weeks when we don’t have an opportunity to dance and look each other in the eyes, our lives seem to just be moving along, no fluctuations or increases in feelings of love, just living our daily lives. Though, the weeks when we get to dance, we have an added amount of happiness and feelings of renewed love.

 

I have given this much thought and I think the following story has a lot to do with explaining why this happens.

I went to a workshop many years ago, which had nothing specifically to do with couples therapy, in fact it wasn’t for couples at all, and the instructor split us up into two groups and had us line up across from each, nearly toe to toe with the person directly (and randomly, I might add) in front of us. Our goal in this exercise was to look the other person in the eyes and face. We were to neither expect anything from the other person, nor judge them in any way. We were not told what to expect from this exercise and I am still not sure if my results were what was supposed to happen.  This exercise lasted only about 5-10 minutes, I cannot remember…but it was amazing!

 

I happened to be paired up with a gentleman about my age, maybe a few years younger. He was not particularly handsome, nor was he particularly not handsome (I guess I didn’t follow instructions too well in the judgment department, lol); all I remember is that I was definitely NOT attracted to him. At first it was a bit uncomfortable to look someone, unabashedly and directly, in the eyes for a length of time. So, I would hold his stare as long as I could, then stop and look at his face. As we spent more time, there became a level of feeling that “this is OK to stare this person in the eyes”. So, we did just as we were instructed.

 

As the minutes went on I began to have a fondness for him. Then as more minutes passed (this is what makes me think it was 10 minutes, because it seemed like a long time) I found myself feeling love for him. I honestly didn’t find him attractive when we first started the exercise and I am not sure I found him physically attractive after the exercise, but I definitely began to love this person. And the love I was feeling had nothing to do with sex, I had a sense of ONEness with him – I just wanted to hug him.

 

Wow! The power of looking someone in the eyes for any length of time is AMAZING!  I guess it is true that “your eyes are a window to your soul”.

 

I would venture to take an educated guess that if you were to pick a time when you and your spouse or your loved one could spend 5 – 10 minutes to simply look each other in the eyes, no judgment or expectations (as best you can), you would increase your overall love quotient. Or why not go dancing… or something that allows you to look deeply into the eyes of your loved one…it has worked for us!

peace, love, jimmy

The journey to loving myself: Part 3 – My Dark Period

Please begin with: Part 1 ;  Part 2

“I think it is time we begin to see other people…”

My first reaction was, “Do we have to do this now… when my business is collapsing beneath my feet?” I cannot remember if I said this out loud or just in my head, but I said it nonetheless. The time was in the early months of 2008, soon after the big crash of the US economy.

Even though the 14.5 year relationship that was ending was probably about 4.5 years past its expiration date, it was the only thing that was consistent in my life. Less than three years prior, in 2005, I walked away from a company I created and built to a moderate success.

In 2005, exactly 5.5 weeks after walking awayI put together a new company and started all over from scratch. Needless to say, these were tumultuous years, but nothing like what I was about to experience beginning in those early months of 2008. The ground beneath my feet was shifting so quickly I am not sure that I was actually standing; and it didn’t stop shifting for another four years.

My friends have called this my Dark Period. Those four years were the most difficult of my entire life. Though, I am now very thankful for those years, because if things hadn’t happened as they did I would not have found the peace and true happiness that I am now experiencing. For me, it was all worth it.

In January of 2008 as the economy collapsed, so followed my business. Somehow, without any funding, I kept the company afloat with sheer determination and the will to not give up. I remember saying, “They will have to pry this company out of my dead bleeding hands…” and they nearly did.

By mid 2008, when it was obvious that we were not recovering from the crash, I had to begin laying off my staff one by one until it was just me and one other person. By 2009 we had moved out of our beautiful new offices and into my home office. That one employee I had left, Maggie, ran my office until the end of 2010 and worked several months with neither a paycheck nor a complaint. I had stopped paying myself back in the early months of 2008. From 2009-2010 I made, packed and shipped all of my candles by myself (with occasional part-time help). The warehouse I was forced to use as my production facility had no air-conditioning or proper ventilation. Temperatures inside would reach around 120 with all the wax melters running during the Texas summers. I was often working 6-7 days a week and not taking care of my health. My eating habits turned into (I’m now horrified to say this) what I could afford on the dollar menu at fast food restaurants. I was killing myself with my work load, the working conditions,  the stress of my mounting debt and my dollar menu diet. I don’t remember having much if any joy in my life…

Since I had stopped paying myself in 2008, I had no money left and no more room on credit cards by early 2010. Some of my greatest fears were coming true. I was so behind on my car payment that I began to park down the block so the repo men wouldn’t find it. I was also several months behind on the house mortgage and received a notice that if I didn’t make a payment that month, they were going to begin the foreclosure process. Adding to the pressure of this, I had been a rescuer of animals for over 15 years at that point and had a house and yard full of animals that depended upon me. They were my family. If I lost the house, there would have been no way for me to keep my family of animals together. I was on the verge of losing EVERYTHING.

By 2011 I was nearly dead; physically, emotionally and spiritually. In order to save the house and keep food for my dogs, I had to sell off many of my personal belongins, including my prized possessions, my Big Boy statues.

Bye-bye BIG BOYS!

 In 2011 I received some reprieve when I licensed my candle brand to another company. This removed the daily stress of making and shipping candles off my plate, though it still left me with no income. I applied at every job I could think of, though no one seemed to want to hire someone who had been an entrepreneur for the past 20+ years. I literally was starving. Any money I could scrap up went into keeping the roof over my head, my car on the road and food for my animals. I had no spare money for anything.

I learned how to live on $5 a week from a friend. He told me about the real Mexican grocery stores, the ones where all the signs are in Spanish, and how they would always have some sort of (unidentifiable) meat on sale for $0.99 per pound. I would go there and buy $5 worth and live on it for a week. I would cook the hell out of it on my George Foreman Grill to kill anything that could possibly kill me. If I was lucky a friend would give me some barbecue sauce to make it, whatever it was, tolerable.  Yes, I am serious, I was that poor. The only time I saw a vegetable is when Maggie would invite me over to eat.

During this time I was rather lucky that my dogs had relatively good health and did not require much… if they had, I would not have been able to afford taking them to the vet. There were only a couple of events that happened where I had to turn my kitchen into a triage unit and emergency room. I saved one of my special needs puppies life with a chip clip when one of the other dogs ate 3/4’s of her ear off. That is a long

story, but she lived.  

Hippity Hop in the emergency room (my kithen) and her bi-level look afterwards.

I am usually a very social person, and by the spring of 2011 I had been living as a complete hermit for a few years. My dogs had heard all of my jokes and when they began to recite my punchlines back to me, in unison, I knew it was time to get out of the house and become social again – with humans. Who would have thought that a visit to The Round Up, a Country & Western Saloon and Dancehall, would change the course of my life forever?

To be continued. Part 4 (click here)

If you would like to receive an email every time I add a post, please find the FOLLOW tab on this site.

thanks for reading!

Jimmy

NO CARRY-ONS ALLOWED on THE PEACE TRAIN!

As I ran up to THE PEACE TRAIN, I noticed a door with my name above it! How exciting! This must be where I get on – “PEACE, HERE I COME!”

For some reason, when I attempted to step aboard through the doorway to my PEACE, I was stopped dead in my tracks.  As I stepped back to examine the door more closely, I noticed that the door frame to my peace was exactly the shape of my body… and placed upon that frame was a small sign that read,

“NO CARRY-ONS ALLOWED. Leave your baggage at the door.”

 

I have had great successes in life – going in both directions – up and down. And through it all, on the rides upward as well as the rides downward, I finally figured out that the secret to maintaining my peace came when I was able to let go. I have now learned to be quite masterful in maintaining my peace – even during some of my darkest moments.

I have come to know that, He who lives with the most peace wins!

Even when people were “taking” things away from me, things of great value to me, they did not take my peace when I chose to let those things go. I become happier because nothing was “taken” from me.

If you freely give it away, then nothing is actually taken from you. 

You only feel like a victim when you are trying to hold onto what was taken. You can choose to no longer be a victim of the crime if you choose to see yourself as letting it go and you no longer hold onto it – it is gone, so let it go free. Even if it was rightfully yours, letting it go gives YOU peace. If you choose to become happier because of letting it go – you win.

“He who lives with the most peace wins!”

The key to maintaining your peace is LETTING GO, period. Letting go of things that no longer serve you has a magical effect upon your entire being.

Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. (sung to the tune of Let it Snow)

…and you will find your peace.

MASTER of my peace

I have lost THREE businesses, for three different reasons, and through it all I maintained my peace. Even though some would look at these as failures, I look at them as winnings (yes, seriously). The immense power of peace in your life is priceless. You may have lost everything, or in my case nearly everything, but if you hold onto your peace – you win.

He who lives with the most peace wins!

Candle Company #1 early/mid 1990’s Design Initiative Group/DIG/DigWARE/DigGlo: We grew to moderate success selling to up market stores such as Neiman’s, middle market stores such as Urban Outfitters and mass market stores such as Clair’s Boutiques. We had enough success that the government gave us a Small Business loan for $350,000 to help us expand. Within a year of the loan, I was notified by my business partner that he was taking actions that would close the doors to our candle company. I was overwhelmed with fear. I know what the onset of a deep depression feels like…I couldn’t pull myself from bed for a couple of days. I woke up one morning, stood up and said, “I am turning this into THE BEST THING that could have ever happened FOR ME!” And that I did.  FIVE and ½ weeks later, I was up and running with a new candle company.

Candle Company #2 1998 Er’go Candle: It was with this company that I helped introduce Soy Candles to the nation by marketing nationally to the upper-end gift and spa industries. At the pinnacle of our success, I was featured on CNN during Prime Time, News Night with Aaron Brown in a piece on up-and-coming entrepreneurs, called ON THE RISE. Sitting there that night, watching CNN, at what was the height of my personal success, an event that should have brought me great joy, I knew in my heart it was the beginning of the end. I am a very positive person, but in this case it was my gut talking.

My name and image was becoming important for the brand (think, Colonel Sanders and KFC). Though this exact scenario was my vision for the brand, it wasn’t the image held by a group of my investors, a family who happened to own the majority of the shares. I knew that evening, while watching CNN, that group of investors could not allow this to happen. If my name and image became too interwoven within the brand, they might lose some control. Approximately 3 months later I was voted out of my company.

Several days after I was voted off my Island, I took a week long cruise to clear my head and receive inspiration. And I did exactly that by staying PRESENT on that cruise and not spending ANY time on what had just transpired. I also knew that I didn’t want to create what I was going to do next from my mind, but instead be inspired from my inner spirit – for that reason I did not spend ANY time trying to figure out what I was going to do next. The trick, I had learned over the years of creating from my inner spirit, is to remain PRESENT in the MOMENT during these times of inspiration and let go of the past and don’t worry about the future. On the last day of that cruise, it was as if an information bubble encapsulated me with the full concept for my new company. And yet again,  5 and ½ weeks after I stepped off the cruise ship I was up and running with a new candle company. (I’m not sure why with both businesses it took exactly 5 ½ weeks to get them going, but that is amazingly what happened.)

Candle Company #3 2005 Jimmy Belasco Soy Candles: With this company, in the 5.5 weeks it took to put everything together, we also happened to design packaging that won Best New Product Packaging for our category (candles/fragrance/bath & body) at the NY International Gift Fair. We began to experience some moderate success when, in the early months of 2008, the bottom fell out of the US economy. With the drop in the economy along with some poor timing on decisions made in the months earlier, my company started to bleed money. Over the next few years, I experienced the collapse of my business. After completely exhausting all of my resources (financially, physically, spiritually & emotionally) I licensed my brand to a larger candle company in the beginning of 2011. After a year, I finally decided to call it quits – there was not more peace, love or joy in that business for me.

At the end of each of these businesses, for the most part, I maintained my peace. I usual choose to look at these sorts of tumultuous events as happening FOR ME, for my highest good… instead of TO ME or against me.   In the first two businesses at the very end, if I had spent ANY time regretting the past I would not have been focused enough to start an entirely new company in FIVE and half weeks. In each instance, in just over ONE month, I was able to create a new company, develop a full collection of fragrances, design new packaging, have samples of the new packaging produced, design and print new catalogs and have it all set up in showrooms across the country in the 6 major markets! All of that, plus a whole lot more in FIVE and a HALF WEEKS! It still amazes me that I was able to that, TWICE!

The ONLY way this was possible is because I stayed PRESENT IN THE MOMENT. I had to let go of my past and focus upon my present moment if I wanted to succeed in launching those candle lines. I am not Superman, in fact I am rather normal. What I am good at is remaining focused on the present and letting go of the past. By me letting go, I was able to maintain my peace. Because I was at peace during the process, I was able to accomplish some amazing things in a very short period of time.

Letting go is your key to peace. There is much power in a person who is able to maintain their peace.

He who lives with the most peace wins!

Let it go. Let it go. Let it go. (sung to the tune of Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow)

If you look at the case of candle company #2, technically, they walked away with the business I created, but I walked away with my peace. In this case I feel happy because I gained a level of peace in the process that I might not have been able to if the circumstances hadn’t played out as they did. This is why in the middle of a tumultuous situation I try not to judge the events as “bad”… they simply “are what they are“. I see these events as something that will end up for my highest good. It has sometimes been difficult to see things this way when the sh#t is hitting the fan, but I have had enough experience to know and trust that it can be the BEST thing that could happen… as long as I continue to keep that point of view. And trust me, because I know for myself, if you think it is the worst thing that could happen to you, you will also end up being right.

 

This universe is a magical place, whichever direction you choose in life; life is happy or life is sad, Life is good or life is bad… you will ALWAYS be right!

peace, love, jimmy

a fish named FRED

A fish named Fred

There once was a fish named Fred who lived in the ocean.  Fred would often hide in the darkest underwater cave. When Fred was in that cave he would feel lonely and separate from all the other sea creatures in the ocean. When Fred was out swimming in the ocean he would notice all of the differences between him and all of the other creatures of the sea; by doing so he would feel even more separate… and alone. Even when Fred was in a school, surrounded by a multitude of other fish, he felt separate and alone.

What Fred didn’t realize was, it is impossible for him to be separate from the ocean, it is impossible for Fred to be separate from all the other creatures in the ocean. Fred and all the other creatures are all living in the same fish bowl. Every part of that ocean flows through each of these creatures. There is only a temporary perceived “separation” with all that is in that ocean.

And one day the fish named Fred became lunch for a larger fish named Bill. It was then that the fish named Fred finally realized his oneness with all there is in that ocean. In that moment Fred wished he had figured this out earlier… so he would not have felt all alone for all of those years. He realized that through his perceived separateness, he could learn about his true oneness with all things… though, in this case he was a little too late.

Hello Fred… and wake up before its too late.

good VIBRATIONS

If you have a row of tuning forks, each of different notes, all lined up together and you were to introduce a duplicate of one of these forks and activate it with a thud of your hand – you would soon notice that one of the forks that is lined up will also begin to vibrate and sing…and all of the others will sit still and silent. When you look more closely, you will notice that the one that is now singing along will be of the same note to which your hand activated fork is tuned; they are both tuned to the same frequency.

 

Matching frequencies will find each other and begin to resonate with each other.

 

Everything we can see and not see in this universe is a vibration… waves of energy. Everything from the colors we see with our eyes, the thoughts we think with our mind, the feelings we feel within our hearts, the planet beneath our feet, the sun up in the sky to the stars throughout our universe – all of these are waves of vibratory energy.

 

Our experiences in this life are all based upon vibrations and frequencies; and our thoughts and feelings are the most powerful frequencies we have in creating our life experiences. Your life experience will only be that of which you are vibrating, or in this case thinking and feeling…and can be nothing other.

 

You cannot make the other forks in the line sing along with your frequency if they don’t match with your frequency.

 

If you are not pleased with the life frequency you are experiencing, then change your frequency to that of the life experience you wish to experience. Once you begin to vibrate at a different rate, you will automatically draw to you the matching vibrations, or frequencies…or life experiences. Use the vibrations you have at your disposal – your thoughts and your feelings and begin to think and feel your way to a new frequency.

 

And the wonderful part of all of this – only you can choose which frequency you wish to vibrate. You have your power of choice. Please use it mindfully.

 

“Everything is energy and that’s all there is to it. Match the frequency of the reality you want and you cannot help but get that reality. It can be no other way. This is not philosophy. This is physics.” – Albert Einstein

 

“Imagination is everything; it is the preview of life’s coming attractions.” – Albert Einstein

uploading my entries

Today and over the weekend I will be consolidating several posts from my other blogs onto this one – so you will think I am a posting fool. Jimmy’s Journal is supposed to be the centralized blog that maintains all the posts from my other blogs…and that just hasn’t happened lately… so I will attempt to bring it up to date over the next few days.

 

thank you, Jimmy

The journey to loving myself: Part 2

Please begin with:  Part 1 

“Fat?! And you thought you were fat? You wanna see fat?! I’ll show you some fat!”

This was the adult me talking to the me in the pictures of when I was younger. I really wasn’t fat at all, maybe a little pudgy in some of the pictures; and by no means was my body the abhorrent image I remember holding in the mind’s eye of my youth.

It wasn’t always like this. Prior to the H-Bomb being dropped upon my psyche that fateful day in the boys department of Muirhead’s Department Store (see part 1), my earliest memories are of being surrounded by girls and woman at church as they are gawking and pulling at me, pinching my cheeks and going on and on about how cute I was and how beautiful my long white/blonde eyelashes were.

There was so much adulation heaped upon me that when I was 5 years old I cut off my eyelashes thinking it would make them all stop pawing at me. I was wrong; it only fueled them more. You would think that a young boy growing up with all of that positive attention toward his cuteness would build a strong self image and a strong sense of self worth.

What happens to a child when a great portion of his self worth is built upon being cute? And what happens when he then grows out of his cuteness, and instead is labeled something horrible, such as HUSKY? I’ll tell you; I began to judge my body as imperfect, not cute and not lovable. I began to feel  unworthy of physical love.

Luckily for me, at a young age I knew I possessed the ability to make people laugh, and that gave me enough confidence to carry me through. But as far as my body was concerned, I felt less than; I felt unworthy.

This sense of physical unworthiness drove me to work hard on my body, trying to make it worthy. Through my teens and into young adulthood I would work out sometimes 6-7 days a week…. and I remained unworthy.

Worthy, in my mind’s eye, was an image of physical perfection; an airbrushed image of the perfect body. I remember staring in the mirror, with disgust, thinking, “How could someone love this body?” The sick part to this is, at one point, I was staring at a body in the mirror that looked like a slightly softer (not as cut) version of Mark Wahlberg’s famous Calvin Klein ad.

Because I could not love my body, I was incapable of allowing someone else to love me or my body. It wasn’t until recently that I realized that this physical unworthiness that I held onto for so long was the impetus for the destruction of many of my relationships.

The odder piece of this puzzle is that it took me getting completely out of shape, 50+ lbs fatter than my most fit body, in order to begin loving myself and my body.

It was during the darkest period of my entire life, My Dark Period, as my friends would call it (2008-2011), that I purposefully began the journey to loving myself. The events that lead to this dark period created the space into which I began to heal my life. Though this was THE most painful period of my life, and I hope to never experience anything like it again, I am thankful now that it all occurred as it did.

Because I began to love myself and I did not give up on life… my life is now the most peaceful it has ever been. Because I began to love my body… I am healthier than I have been in decades. And because I began to love my body and I did not give up on love… I met the absolute love of my life.

To be continued. (click here for Part 3)

In Part 3 I will go into the events that began My Dark Period and I will explain what I did to turn things around for myself.

To receive emails when I post additions, please find the FOLLOW tab on this site.

The journey to loving myself: Part 1

The dropping of the H-Bomb.

As I stood there, my mind exploded with images of how great I would look in my new clothing as I strutted down the hallway, flashing people the peace sign, on my way to my classroom on that first day of school. Every head would turn and gasp in awe of my grooviness!

My dream had finally come true!

Before me stood rack after groovy rack of the most spectacular clothing I have ever seen in person. And they were mine for the choosing! This clothing was every bit as exciting as I imagined possible from what I had seen on TV, especially The Jim Nabors Hour. That Gomer Pyle could sing and he wore the coolest clothes.

Because we were the poor preacher’s kids, the Muirhead’s (members of our church when my dad preached in Dearborn, who owned a very high end department store) invited us to come to their store and each pick out 2-3 outfits before school started. Dreamy-eyed and jumping for joy (in my head), I stood in awe with my mom in the Boy’s Clothing department at the opulent Muirhead’s Department Store in Dearborn Michigan. 

As I stood there contemplating which of these wonderful outfits I would try on first I heard something through the purple haze of my glory… 

“Excuse me ma’am…”

                                      “Mom! Isn’t this clothing amazzz………..”

 “… you seem to be in the wrong section…” 

(audible screeching halt)

                          “What?!” 

I snapped my head around just in time to witness as this very tall, very well dressed sales woman (yes, that is what we used to call them) paused just long enough to look over her shoulders, in either direction. I guess she was checking to see if the coast was clear for what she was about to do.

“Ahem, you see ma’am, this section is for…  slim boys”

Then, in a tone as if she was speaking of a horrible and unthinkable disease, and ever so slightly more maliciously, as if she knew she was about to drop the H-bomb on a little boys heart, she uttered,

“… your boy is…     obviously,      HUSKY.” 

 

As the mushroom cloud was forming above my head, and before I could completely comprehend what exactly just happened, she flipped and turned to lead us to the department especially assigned for my “type”.

I remember vividly taking the long walk of shame to the dark, rear corner of the boys department as I was placed in front of the ugliest rack of beige clothing I have ever seen.

The letters of the sign hanging over the one, singularly sad rack of clothing, designed especially for fat little boys like me, simply read for the entire world to see, in big fat, chunky bold letters – HUSKY BOYS.

 

My life was over.

                                              “HUSKY?!?!”

                                                           “obviously!?!?”

It was official. At 11:28 am on August 11th, in the year 1971, at the age of 7:

I was fat… unlovable…and obviously not worthy of groovy clothing.

 

This moment in time forged the basis for my self image that would follow me for the rest of my life into adulthood.  

…to be continued.  (click here for part 2)

To receive emails as I continue this story, please find the FOLLOW tab on this site and you will receive emails whenever I post.

My Great Awakening!

Hello my name is Jimmy Belasco. This section gives details about my spiritual journey. I detail the events that lead me to realize my purpose in life is to inspire people to re-connect with their love and their peace.

WARNING: This section is NOT for the spiritually closed minded.

I came to this “knowing” on October 17, 1997 during an experience I call “My Great Awakening!” (I go into the details below) I call it that because it was as if prior to this experience I was in a coma – and after it, my eyes were wide open! During the events of My Great Awakening I realized that I would someday play the role of the teacher. And because the greatest teachers in my life taught me from the experiences of their own lives – I knew I wanted to teach from experiential knowledge – from my own life’s experiences. It was then that I acknowledged the fact that I must first accept my role as the student.

Little did I know at the time that I had just enrolled myself into an advanced level program at The University of Kick the Living @#%& Out of You and See if You Can Get Back Up. Apparently, they had a campus right here in Dallas Texas – and I had signed up to receive a PhD!

Though I have had some great successes in my life, I have also had some, lets say, GREAT NON-SUCCESSES. I have lost everything – several times. I watched 3 of my businesses (my babies, as I used to refer to them), some of which were very successful, and a 14.5 year relationship (among other things) get washed away in the storms of my life. Because of what I had learned up to those points in my life, I did NOT experience the panic, the devastation nor the suffering that usually accompany such life events. I spell all of this out in the section: THE ART OF LOSING EVERYTHING.

It is from my greatest loses – that I received my greatest gains. Isn’t it funny how that works? And it is during these great times of loss that I was the student and I acquired the knowledge I would need some day to be the teacher.

When the student is ready, the teacher appears. When the teacher is ready, the student appears.

My intent and desire is that there is something I learned upon my journey that might help someone or a bunch of someones upon their journeys.

If you have a weak stomach for matters of a spiritual nature, I would suggest that you skip this next part. If this is the case, there is so much you can learn from other aspects of my teachings, maybe you should start with: The Art of Losing Everything or watch some of my videos on JimmyTV.

peace… love, jimmy

My GREAT AWAKENING!

I grew up as a preacher’s kid. The church where my dad preached was so conservative, we thought the Baptists were LIBERALS! I have often described our church to others as this: “Head on down to the Southern Baptists and hang a HARD RIGHT…. and you’re ALMOST THERE!” And even though my dad wasn’t very narrow minded spiritually, I was surrounded by people in the church who were.

I cannot say that I ever had a true, moving spiritual moment in my life up to the date of October 17, 1997. In fact, in the years leading up to that date I was feeling as disconnected and as far away from anything spiritual as possible.

I had always believed that there was a GOD. I had seen the beauty in life and knew there had to be some kind of mastermind behind all of this. Though the GOD that was taught to me in Sunday School, just didn’t seem to resound within me. I often heard responses to my questions from my teachers, “God doesn’t work that way.” or “God wouldn’t do that!” or “God would never let that happen.” And I never understood why we had to go to church to be with God. Or why we had to have the church to find God. I even remember a “wise old elder” in the church say, “We are separate from God…and if we work real hard, God may accept us into HIS fold.” I remember being told several times what God was NOT or wouldn’t do.

But, but…what about the part where God says, “I am ALL THINGS” and “ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE” and the whole, “ALPHA and OMEGA – BEGINNING and THE END” part? I remember my little mind being perplexed.

It seemed to me that there was a whole lot that God was supposedly NOT able to do – according to my Sunday School teachers. Because there was such a disconnect with how I envisioned God and what my church was telling me, I think I became numb to it all. I saw no spirit, I saw no joy in going to church at a very young age. Though I played the part and participated up through most of my college years… and a few beyond. By my mid twenties, I lost all interest in going to church.

At 33 years old, I found myself completely lost. I still had a belief in the concept of a Supreme Intelligence, a Master Creator of ALL THINGS, but I had no connection to this, whatever it was, God-thing…other than I was still alive and breathing, so I must be connected in some basic way with it’s energy.

One afternoon, I am guessing the timing on this was somewhere around September of 1997, in a voice filled with frustration, I said out loud, “OK, God, or whatever you are, I want a connection!” I had heard of people having some kind of connection, having experiences that connected them with this “ALL THERE IS” thing that most people call God…but what about me? “I am ready for MY CONNECTION!” I proclaimed!

Several weeks passed by, in fact I had completely forgotten about my proclamation, life was my usual disconnected life. I had made an appointment for a massage with Jason, the husband of one of my dearest friends. My appointment was set for Friday afternoon,  October 17.

When I showed up for my appointment, I told him that I didn’t like to talk during the massage and that I was going to try and meditate. The true story was that I had body issues since I was in my late teens and I felt a bit awkward being naked-ish in front of a good friend. And the funny part is that I had never meditated before in my life up to that point. I simply wanted to be left alone so I could focus upon my body and the massage and not have to suffer through “small talk”.

So when he left the room, I stripped down and got comfortable on the table with the blanket over me.  I started to focus upon the word, ONE. I had read somewhere that if you focus upon a word and focus upon your breath, it will help you meditate. So I took a few deep long breaths and kept repeating, with the voice in my head, one, one, one, one, one… It seemed like quite some time before he entered, so I was quite relaxed by then. I heard him preparing, though my focus was deep within my body. Boy, this stuff works! [From this point on in the story, my thoughts will be italicized. ]

one…one…one…one…one…one…one…

Deeper and deeper I went, though I was still conscious. When his hands finally touched my shoulders, I felt a shift in the energy – something was different. and I noticed the voice in my head was no longer saying, one, instead it was saying, TRUST…TRUST…TRUST…

Each movement of his hands were in rhythm with this new word that began repeating in my head, TRUST…TRUST…TRUST… 

But wait a minute, he is not saying that and I am not saying that…and the voice is still my voice in my head…but WHO is controlling that thought?

I almost lost my focus, thought the words were calming me and I felt warm and safe. The voice that is inside my head, the voice that talks to myself was talking to me, though I was NOT controlling the words!

LET GO…TRUST…EXPERIENCE…

(if you haven’t noticed by now, the words that are italicized and in CAPS are the words that were coming to me, not of my control…and the lower case italicized are MY thoughts)

holy crap! what is going on here! I am not sure I believe in this stuff…

TRUST… LET GO…EXPERIENCE…

So, I did! I am not sure what was going on with me, though I felt safe and I had this “knowing” that I was supposed to trust what was happening, let go and experience it. I then completely let go with full trust.

When I was ready, and it all seemed to be synchronized, Jason moved to my chest. All of a sudden he hit a spot and in my mind’s eye I saw bluish white light and began to hear the words, HEAL…HEAL…HEAL…

Now, here is where it gets good and might seem a bit unbelievable to some of you.  And trust me, it seemed a bit unbelievable to me too – it was hard to wrap my brain around what was happening – but it was happening to me, so I could not deny it!

As Jason hit a particular spot on my chest, I was off the table and thrust into a place that seemed to go on horizontally in all directions. There was a definite floor and ceiling wherever I was. I was not my body though…I was like a cloud version of me, like a fluffy ball of energy. In front of me was a huge scary fear. This was a fear I was holding in that particular place in my chest; for some reason I seemed to know this. This fear was BIG and I felt like running away – and almost did!

EXPERIENCE…MOVE TOWARD THE FEAR…TRUST…

I took a deep breath and moved toward the fear. Let me add a side note here. At the time I could tell you what the fear was; this is something like a dream in the fact that I could not remember exactly what the fear was shortly after the experience, though it was HUMONGOUS! I am pretty sure I figured out that this first fear was THE FEAR OF DEATH. Anyway, back to the story.

I took a deep breath and began to move toward this big scary fear… and when my energy began to enter into this fear, I was able to see inside of it, see if for what it was, which was nothing. Then all of a sudden this GARGANTUAN FEAR evaporated in front of my cloud eyes, it was like a mist that just went away!

And before I knew what was happening, I was pulled upward out of that horizontal plane and into an upwardly spinning spiral of pure love! It felt as if I were in a tornado, though the feeling was complete JOY and HAPPINESS and SAFENESS and LOVE – a form of SPIRITUAL ECSTASY!

Here is the crazy part, at the open end of this spiral was PURE WHITE LIGHT! It was if I were getting to glance into “The OTHER SIDE”! I was in complete AWE! I was getting to see into the OTHER SIDE! And I instinctively knew that it wasn’t my time to go there yet, but I KNEW someday I would, so all was good. I was given the opportunity to look into that beautiful bright white light… and feel the love! I was sobbing tears of happiness!!!

And…BOOM! I was back on the massage table, back in my body with tears rolling down my face and nearly out of breath from breathing so hard!

oh my gosh! what the heck just happened?! and before I could ask too many questions…

TRUST… LET GO… EXPERIENCE…

And Jason kept moving to the next section in my chest. I see the flash of bluish white light, hear the word HEAL, as I am whisked away to that horizontal plane staring down another one of my big ugly fears. This time, though, I know the drill and I know the PAY OFF! I quickly moved my cloud into that fear, and just as it began to mingle with my energy I could see it for what it was and POOF, it was GONE! WHOOSH, I was sucked up into the vortex of love and reveled in the energy once again!

I will do whatever it takes to feel this energy again!

BOOM! Back on the table. This scenario happened several more times as Jason moved around to different parts of my body in which I was holding fears. I do remember that the intensity of the joyous part was always far greater than the size of the fear, though the greater the fear was, the greater the joy was when the fear was finally released.

The amazing thing to me is that Jason’s movement, the music playing in the background, the involuntary sayings and the experiences were all synchronized and melodic like a beautiful orchestra. Was Jason aware of what was going on? What did he think of me crying and sobbing on his massage table? I don’t know and didn’t care! This was the most moving experience of my life!!!

When we were done, I asked him if he knew what was happening to me or if he know that he was orchestrating this symphony within me…and he didn’t. He said he has seen some odd things happen during massages and he just continues on and lets the person experience or release what they need. He then asked me what it was that I experienced. I told him that I would sit down with him later, but “…for some reason, I need to leave now.”

I felt as if I was still in a cloud of energy, as if I was being guided. I got into my car and quickly realized that my driving was somewhat involuntary, just like my inner voice was…I was being guided to drive somewhere. So, I held onto the wheel and became a silent observer. I watched as I drove this way, then turned here, almost like my body was on auto pilot – I was even observing the speed limit, which rarely happened. Before I realized it, I was driving down a street and pulled directly into a head-in parking spot in front of a book store.

I need to go in there.

I got out of my car and as I touched the handle of the book store door…

oh, there is a book in here and I will know it when I see it.

At this point, I was very interested in where this journey was leading me…and I had stopped asking questions a while back. Amazed? Yes. Remember from my upbringing, we DEFINITELY did NOT believe is THIS SORT OF THING! But I could not deny, this was HAPPENING TO ME!

I walked through the store as if I knew exactly where I was going. Through the isles of book shelves I walked. I ended up in front of a book shelf.

Ah, the book is on this shelf…and I will know it when I see it.

At that point, I remember my logical brain taking over. I took my eyes to the top shelf and started at the left and moved to the right.

not on that shelf.

I then dropped my vision down to the second from top shelf and scanned it from left to right.

not on that shelf.

Then I dropped down to the third from top shelf and there right directly in front of me was a book that seemed to be glowing. Yes folks, glowing! Again, I stopped asking questions.

Let me preface this next part by saying that I had never heard of this book prior to seeing it that day on the shelf.

I leaned over and picked up the very last copy of the glowing book and read the title. Conversations With God – An uncommon dialog. Book 1. As I turned over the book, it was written as God talking, in first person, just like in the Bible. The voice in my head, the one that still sounded like my usual voice in my head, began to speak the words as if that voice had written them. My eyes flooded with tears, I could barely make my way through the inscription.

As I turned to head to the register, one of the bookstore staff members saw the book in my hand and said, “Oh, you’re gonna like that book!”

Oh, you have NO IDEA! 

I sat at a coffee shop across the street and began reading the book, feverishly! I had a pen and began to underline and circle all of the important parts, until I realized that I had marked every sentence for several pages…then I gave up the pen. This book was basically covering everything I had just LEARNED and EXPERIENCED on that massage table! It talked about FEAR and LOVE… then it went on to explain a version of God that I had always hoped in my heart was how God was. My heart leaped with JOY! The funny part is that it didn’t negate anything I believed from my church days, it only expanded upon those ideas. It took the limits off of GOD and what GOD is. In my upbringing, it seemed that GOD had to fit in this box, and if you didn’t believe in the box – you were wrong.

This book opened me up and expanded my life in so many ways! And I am not sure that I would have ever read this book if I hadn’t found it in the manner in which I found it. And even if I would have been given this book and read it, without this awakening experience, I would have never read it with as much an open mind as I had.

This is how I, as a child, had always envisioned God…until I was told differently. As I grew, this is basically how I wished God would be, how God would work, how this universe works. This book basically helped me know that I wasn’t crazy all of those years when I questioned what I was being taught. It all made sense…again!

I will go ahead and tell you this last part of the Great Awakening Experience, you probably already think I am crazy, I might as well put some frosting on the top!

That first evening when I was sitting down with a notepad and reading the book, I came across the word REINCARNATION. 

Hold up! Stop! I don’t believe in reincarnat… and I stopped myself in mid thought. I stopped my auto-response. I said to myself, LET GO… TRUST…

As soon as I began to think those words, it was if a bolt of electricity came through the top of my head and went through my body. In my mind I was seeing floor after floor filled with books, books of knowledge, being downloaded (for the lack of a better word) one after the other into my body. I was grasping bits of knowledge and my brain was trying hold onto it.

LET IT GO…TRUST…IT IS ALWAYS WITH YOU…

And so I did, I completely let go and allowed this to happen. It seemed to last minutes. Hundreds of floors, filled with thousands and thousands of books, each being given to me. If one of my roommates at the time would have walked in on me, I am sure it would have looked like I was having a seizure or a stroke.

As soon as it was over, I instantly KNEW that reincarnation was a truth. It made perfect sense to me. We are energy and energy never dies, it only takes on new forms. The energy that is me, existed before I was born into this world and will exist when I leave. Why wouldn’t we have more than one life to work through things. Think of how sad it would be if your only shot at life had been a child who died at birth, or as a toddler or a teenager. Why couldn’t we have multiple lives to work through all that we can work through. Our Western culture is one of the few that don’t believe in reincarnation. Reincarnation makes perfect sense to me. Why would we put limits upon that which is ALL THINGS. Why would we say that certain things are NOT POSSIBLE?

ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.

THE ALPHA, THE OMEGA, THE BEGINNING, THE END.

One of the greatest lessons I have taken from this experience is the releasing of fears. Facing your fears, seeing them truly for what they are (which is basically a false expectation of an event that hasn’t come true yet) and letting them go to experience the love and joy that was being held within that fear…

This is why I speak so much about Letting Go… Our fears are here to teach us greater parts of ourselves…and that greater part of yourself is LOVE.

There are two main energies here on this planet: Love & Fear.

Love can be described as light. Fear can be described as darkness.

Darkness is non-existent in the presence of light. Fear is non-existent in the presence of LOVE.

Love exists in the PRESENT MOMENT OF NOW. Fear exists in the future.

When you live in the present moment of now, you will not experience the power of fear. Your mind must be focused upon a future expectation. The word “future” is a big clue that it isn’t something in the now.

Fear is just a shadow. It seems big and scary, but in reality it is only a shadow, created by the light. Fear is another form of light, the other side of light. It is also love. Fears help us experience greater amounts of love…we only have to face them, bring them into the light in order to see them for what they are. Thank them for bringing this love to you, then they lose all of their power. You can then release them if they are no longer necessary in your life.

I have a series of videos you can watch on this subject. Visit JimmyTV- The Art of Letting Go.

In another post, I will map out my vision of “What God is to me…” I think it is rather interesting. I even think that someone who calls him/herself an atheist might be able to accept this explanation of this thing that is the composition of ALL THINGS.

Until then, thanks for reading!

peace.

love, Jimmy

Mabo & Jimmy, a dance floor romance.

coming soon.

Thank Goodness for Jerk Bosses!

This story happens to be relevant to many situations going on in the lives around me…and I have used this story to help my friends to see their situation differently.

My very last job “working for the man”, before I started my entrepreneurial career, was with a custom clothing company.  To me at the time, my sales manager was a power hungry control freak.  He used to have a morning meeting every morning at 7am sharp.  If you were 1 minute late, you were docked $5. After our morning meeting we would go on our day of appointments that we made the days prior. We were expected back in the office no later than 3:30 pm in the afternoon and if we were 1 minute late, we were docked $5.  We were then expected to make phone calls for 2 hours and if we were not in our offices making calls at 5:30 pm, we were docked $5.  So each day you had the potential of being docked a total of $15 if you were not in the office at the expected times.

You know, I just don’t do well with rules.  I especially don’t do well with rules that are so stiff that they stifle you. I could see his good intentions on disciplining us into good practices, so I went along with it. This was my career at the time and I would play along like a good boy.

I got a phone call from my sister and she was hysterical – “Dad had a heart attack and is in the hospital!!! You must get home immediately – we don’t know if he is going to live!!!” So, I jumped on a plane and spent the better part of the week with my family while my dad was in the hospital. And yes, he had a major heart attack and would have to undergo open heart surgery once he stabilized, though he looked like he was going to make it –  if all went well. And he did pull through and had the surgery successfully and still with us, going strong.

Upon my return from the family emergency I was greeted by my manager with the realization that for each of those days that I wasn’t in the office, I was being docked $15!!! Something clicked inside of me at that very moment. I didn’t say anything in that moment, but inside I made a decision. I knew in that instant that I could no longer work under this kind of management…it just didn’t work for me any longer. I started to make the plan for my exit…and that is exactly what I did.

At the time, I despised that manager for being such a hard ass. I now thank him for being a hard ass! If he hadn’t been such a jerk, I may not have ever started working for myself; I may not have had the nerve to jump out of the nest and find my wings. I now credit his ass-ness as the foundation for me finding my own wings. I am now so thankful for that entire situation because I started to work for myself and I am where I am today because of that exact hard ass-moment.

I believe we are presented opportunities all day long on our path and sometimes we have our blinders on because of complacency. Even though we are not happy in our current situation, the fear of the unknown keeps us there. Well, sometimes doors are closed for us and it is the biggest blessing…because we may not have had the strength to close them ourselves. Sometime we must be pushed out of the nest in order to find our wings. And when the door closes in our face, it doesn’t feel good in that exact moment, but it may be the BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN for US!  And, I mean for us…not to us. These situations are not happening to us…they are happening for us…for us to grow.

 

Jimmy Candle History Part 4

Part 4

In May of 2005, when I stepped off that cruise ship, I started Jimmy Belasco Soy Candles.  With this company I vowed to never allow one person or group attain the majority of the company so I would never be in that position again. The only issue with that is – you have to work with the money provided and that is all she wrote. So I took on investors again, but none would have the majority. I had to take on investors because I left the previous company with not one penny – nothing but my name (I’ve been looking forward to writing that line, it makes me laugh).

Everything was going just fine, we were growing and growing through 2006 & were experiencing a 30% growth by the end of 2007.  So, based on my past experiences, I built the infrastructure to handle this growth; hired staff and moved from my home office into an actual office space . I had never experienced anything other than growth and success…success was what I knew. In fact, at the very end of 2007 we placed a $70K order for packaging so we would be set up for the upcoming quarter of growth. Then we went to market in January 2008 and everyone looked around and said, “What the Hell just Happened! Where is every body?!” The bottom had fallen out of the market. The market orders were way down at the shows! Uh oh! Instead of a 30% continuation of growth, all of a sudden we were experiencing a 30% decline! Stores stopped ordering! Then stores started closing! I was bleeding money! Holy BLEEP!

Because I never experienced a failing business, I kept thinking we could make it through. Because of this, I didn’t peel off my expenses fast enough, each month we were going deeper and deeper in the hole.  Every two weeks was a struggle to make payroll. We finally had to begin letting people go and eventually moved out of the offices and moved back into my home office with me and two other employees – into a room that really should only house two people. Then came the day that I couldn’t make payroll and my best friend, who was working for me, had to leave. That was a very sad and horrific day. My world was collapsing. I was so focused on keeping the business afloat that I wasn’t paying myself. I was behind on my mortgage and my car payment. I was so far behind on my mortgage that if I didn’t make a payment by a certain date they were going to begin the foreclosure process.  And mind you, I had a dozen dogs and a cat named George at that time – all rescues, my family. These are the animals we have chosen and animals who chose us there would have been no way I could have kept them in any other housing situation. My home is the perfect place for the dogs, nestled in the woods of a great old neighborhood. It would have been an absolute disaster if I lost the house. I also had to start parking my car in odd places because I was afraid they were going to come pick it up.

It got down to the point where I had one person in the office and I was making all the candles and packing all the orders with some occasional part time help. It truly was a daily struggle to keep the lights on.

I couldn’t raise any more money for the busines by taking on more investors or I would lose control of my company; I had already been down that road. I would rather close the business from a lack of funds than lose controlling interest by taking additional funds and have someone walk away with it again. This business was my name, Jimmy Belasco – you don’t lose control of your name.

I was nearly paralyzed with fear.  But the only thing was – I didn’t even know it. I have never operated out of fear. I had never run a business with fear. I was fearless in business. So I didn’t recognize it when it had enveloped me. I had no clue until one day I was on the phone talking with a friend and she asked me, “So what are you afraid of?” and I nearly automatically answered, “nothing”…and I caught myself and just then a rush of every fear I had filled me!

I was afraid of losing my home, my business…my everything. Wow. I was totally in absolute fear and that fear was creating my reality.  I learned early on: what you focus upon – you get. I used this tool to help me build my businesses…and now it was working against me and helping me tear down my business. The funny thing, though not so funny, at that time I had NO CLUE that fear was my focus. It had become my main focus for over a year and a half and I hadn’t figured it out until that very moment when my friend asked me that question, “What are you afraid of?” And let me tell you, that was a long list.

I was so mad at myself for letting this happen.  I know that I didn’t create the economy’s collapse…but I didn’t help the matter by focusing upon all that could go wrong instead of all that could go right.

That night on my nightly walk I was fuming. I had learned years before to confront your fears and release them. So I was saying, “bring em on! What am I afraid of?” and they would come to me, I would look at the fear, thank it and release it. Next? Then another fear would come to my mind and I would do the same. I cannot tell you that it always works and the fears leave forever…but some of them actually leave right then, the trick is, you have to expect it, truly expect that it can be that easy. This definitely is a great exercise to “exercise” or release your fears. By the time the walk was over I felt a ton lighter.

I still have some fears, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t…but my main focus isn’t upon my fears. I know that to succeed, my focus must remain upon where I see myself, my highest vision of myself.

What I focus upon – I get.

And I get it. I can clearly see that the same exact formula that creates my heaven on earth also works to create my hell on earth.

The years of 2008 through 2011 were the darkest of my entire life – hands down – emotionally, physically, financially and spiritually. I understand that I played the largest role in this…

Around 2009 I came up with the idea to license my brand. I imagined the entire process and shelved the idea after approaching some of my candle friends, who had to turn me down due to their own issues with the economy. So, at the end of 2010 when I was completely tapped out, I was equally elated when I was approached by a very large candle company that wanted to license my brand in nearly the exact model I had dreamed up the year prior. The art of manifesting at work.

In January 2011, I had licensing my brand and I was only needed to help design our new collection they would launch for me. Once that job was done I spent my time with my animals, and one in particular who was having some issues. If I hadn’t been home during that period, she would have never lived through it. I am thankful for this time with my Hippity. I also knew I needed to do some healing myself. I was so broken I couldn’t muster the strength to turn on my computer. I didn’t want to hear or read anything uplifting or positive – I was that down. Yes, the Jimmy Belasco who’s mission on this planet is to spread love and peace – was all out of love and far from peace…at least it sure felt like it.

It is also at this point when I had absolutely no money coming in. Any money that came in from the licensing deal had to go back into the company. I had reluctantly applied at several jobs that I was more than qualified for and no one seemed interested in hiring me. I had to sell off my things in order to keep the dogs fed and the bills paid. My former partner had to move back into the house to help us keep up the mortgage. There were several months where I had only $5 a week to live on for food for myself. My friend had told me about the Mexican grocery stores and that you can always find some kind of meat (usually unidentifiable) for $0.99/lb; so I would go buy 5 lbs and live off of that for the week. One of the blessing from this was the fact that I lost 35 lbs in the process.

Around March of 2011, I decided that I was going to take my recluse butt out of the house and go out to The Round Up Saloon and Dance Hall, a local gay country & western hangout. I could go and not spend any money and start to be around people again. I had closed myself off from people for the past few years. I am very social by nature and I knew that it would help me to be around people again – plus my dogs had heard all of my jokes and started saying the punchlines before I could. I also loved to watch the dancing. For nearly 20 years, every time I would go there I would sit on the side of the dance floor for hours and be amazed at how graceful some of those dancers were.

On my first or second trip to The Round Up, I ran into one of my old acquaintances, who whisked me onto the floor before I could protest. Before I knew it – I was dancing – in the “following” position, nonetheless, but I was dancing. When I am on the dance floor, the entire world goes away! When I was on the dance floor I didn’t have a care in the world. Dancing became my drug. Since I wasn’t working, I found myself there nearly every night dancing the night away. It was a very magical time for me. I believe this is where I began to heal. By the end of just a couple of months I was getting to be a very good follower. In the follow position I didn’t have to think, all I had to do is release to the lead dancer and dance. It was a very freeing time!

I know it seems as if I have gotten off track with the whole candle story, but I haven’t. As the year went on, it became clear to me that by the end of 2011 I would be closing the door on the candle company; things just weren’t working well with the license deal. And dancing was my escape from this reality. I had no more options, so when December 2011 rolled around, I had decided it was time to close the business for good.

Now this story moves into a deeper part of my personal life and has nothing to do with the business; well, I guess it does. If I hadn’t lost my business and gone through everything that I had gone through I would not have found myself at The Round Up Saloon and Dance Hall, where I not only found peace upon the dance floor but I found the love of my life on that very dance floor. I met Mabo – the person I would marry nearly two years later on August 9th, 2013.

There we all stood, fully entertained on that corner of the dance floor watching a Power Ranger do the most energetic line dance you have ever seen. It was Halloween 2011. I later found out the Power Ranger’s name was Mabo; he was the cutest thing I had ever seen!

Click on this link below to read that story… it truly was a dance hall romance – the entire 7 month romance leading up to the point we moved in with each other had to happen on that dance floor. When you read the story you will understand why…it is a beautiful story.

Mabo & Jimmy: a country and western dance hall romance.

I count the closing of my candle company as a blessing. It was time for me to exit the candle industry. I had accomplished what I was supposed to by helping to introduce the world to soy wax. About 6 months after I closed my business, I received some news that confirmed that I had made the right decision. The fragrance house I had developed my fragrances with for the entire time I was in the candle business, nearly 20 years, had sold to one of the candle companies that was also using them for their fragrances; and here is the kicker – they closed the fragrance house down and destroyed everyone else’s fragrance formulas! Nearly 20 years of my fragrance development was completely destroyed. Even if I had kept my business open, I would have been forced to close after that event. Whew, thank goodness it happened as it did!!!

The peace, the love and the happiness I have found, because I lost the business, far out weighs the struggle I went through to get here! I cannot emphasize enough – I look back on that dark period with much appreciation for my will to continue on and not give up.

The darkest times are not always as they first appear. There is ALWAYS a silver lining in every cloud, even the darkest ones; my life and my candle making career is proof of that! Don’t focus on the cloud, focus on finding the silver lining – and when you find it, don’t let go!

Jimmy Candle History Part 3

Part 3

In Part 2 I mentioned the fact that the gavel came down on the meeting that voted me out of my company at exactly 11:11 am. Why this is significant to me… In the months prior to that moment, I began to see 11’s everywhere. Every time I looked at the clock it was 11:11 or 2:11 or 5:11. That number began to follow me. I mentioned this to a friend and she told me that when we see repeated numbers or symbols, it is simply the universe letting you know you are on your path. So, when the gavel came down at the end of that meeting and I picked up my phone and saw that is was 11:11, I simply sighed a relief and smiled. And let me tell you, the fact that I was smiling at this particular moment seemed to be of concern to those in the room who just voted me out. I think they were half expecting me to pull a Joan Crawford, “…don’t f@ck with me fellas…” moment. On the converse, I sprang up and walked up to each of them, smiled,  shook their hands and thanked them. Their attorney, who walked me to the elevator had this puzzled look on his face and said, “Thank you for being so gracious during this process.”

Back to the cruise ship…

I knew that if I was to receive some divine inspiration, I would have to not think about what had happened and not think about what I was going to do…so I became FULLY PRESENT UPON THAT CRUISE.  I could tell you every time a buffet was going to open and I mapped out my day of activities and lectures. I would sit by the pool and watch all the festivities (and people watch) or I’d sit on the deck and read or watch the water.  I truly kept my mind off of what all had transpired over the past year and didn’t try to figure out what I was going to do.

On my journey to that point, I had learned that if I wanted to receive TRUE inspiration, I had to stay present.  I had to stop thinking. I had to stop thinking about the past or the future. I had to remain present so I could create the space for the inspiration to come. I had to quiet my mind so when inspiration hit, I was open and able to receive it. This usually isn’t too easy if you are in your regular environment, this is why the cruise was a wonderful place to lose my self in the present moment.

Somewhere around the very end of the cruise, I had what I call an information bubble come down upon me and I received the entire plan of what I was going to do. It truly was an amazing experience. The cruise ended on May 14^th…and somehow when the Dallas Gift Show began on June 24^th I was at market with a new company, 17 new fragrances, new packaging (that won Best New Product at the NY International Gift Fair 6 months later), printed catalogs, showrooms set up across the country along with 60+ sales reps – all of this in about 5 ½ weeks!

It was a magical time and I wasn’t even really stressed much.  It all came together easily, though there was definitely some effort…but it just flowed. When things like this happen, you know it is true inspiration. I also had done quite a bit of manifesting over the years and knew how to play the game…and the game is mostly TRUST. Trusting that I was on my path and the cards would all be there as I needed them – and they were.

Over the years I have had to learn how to focus. What you focus upon – you get. I knew that once I knew where I wanted to go my focus had to be solely upon where I wanted to go and not upon the situation I was currently in. This is what pulled me through the tough times…and trust me, they were tough. I always referred to my previous business as “my baby”. Even though I didn’t own the majority of it, it was my conception, my dream, my passion – and it had been, as some might say, taken from me.  But at the time, I knew that this was not happening TO ME, but FOR ME.

Just as the previous business ended and it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened FOR ME, I knew this would be the same.  And you ask, “look how this ended, how could this be the best thing?” Well, if I hadn’t been able to experience my Er’go Candle years, I wouldn’t have built my reputation in the candle world.  And even though the end of the period didn’t end so smoothly, it paved the way for my current experience. All of what happened was a blessing. It was simply the stepping stone for the next phase…that company wasn’t my end-all be-all…just a stepping stone. I was unable to grow any further and it was time to move on. I had to let it go so I could move forward…and that is what I did.

In Part 4 the 2008 economy hits and I experience true fear, more so than ever before in my life.

Jimmy’s Candle History Part 2

Jimmy History Part 2

So, as I was saying… I sought out this soy wax thing. It sounded like a great natural, clean option and the name Soy Wax was catchy, very marketable. One my biggest driving forces was the fact that I had educated myself on the world of Premium Fragrances and was beginning to work with some very intricate fragrance blends and paraffin has a petroleum smell to it that bastardized these amazing fragrances.  Soy wax answered the issue of the petroleum smell.

Well, low and behold, I ran into Michael Richardson, the creator of the first soy wax formula, at the Extracts show in NY when he was looking for people to buy his newly perfected formula of soy wax.  At the time he had a few earthy, granola types (I am not putting these people down, I am a tree hugger too but I am just not as crunchy looking on my surface) buying his wax, but no national brands had picked up on it yet – probably due to the fact that at the time soy wax was considerably more expensive than paraffin.  There also wasn’t any demand yet for products that were “good” for you.  This was before Wholefoods became the major player that it is today. People weren’t looking at ingredients like they do today. I figured that I could take this earthy product, marry it with high end premium fragrances and package it for the upper end gift and spa markets…and that is exactly what I did.

By the time I was ready to start working with this new found wax, my company, DIG, was folding. My business partner, who held the controlling interest, decided to close the doors.

In six weeks, nearly to the day, from me walking out the door from DIG I had begun a new company, Er’go Candle, and was at market selling my new wares and my new soy wax. Let me tell you, it was a “teaching experience”.  I had to educate people on the difference between a vegetable wax and what paraffin wax is made of – petroleum oil. I had a few years before any other national brand began to “offer” soy “alongside” their paraffin offerings and about that long before it really started to take off. Other candle companies used to laugh at me when I would say “soy wax is the future of the candle industry”. They all thought it was a fad and would be gone in a few years.  Now nearly every single one of them offers soy wax in their lines or has switched completely over to soy because of the demand. Now the first question asked in most cases when someone enters your booth at market is, “Are these soy candles?” Soy wax is now a billion dollar portion of the candle industry – that isn’t going away any time soon. Needless to say, we had some moderate success selling soy candles.

At the peak of our success, a group of the investors, a family who acquired the majority position in the company, decided to “go in a direction that did not include Jimmy Belasco”; and quite frankly, I wasn’t very interested in the going in that direction. They had to either kill me or vote me off the island.

At exactly 11:11 am on May 2, 2005, after several months of mutual discomfort between myself and this group of my investors, as well as a failed attempt on my behalf to buy them out, the gavel came down closing the shareholder’s meeting that voted me off my island.  Trust me; it was a bit more of a roller coaster than this highly polished version.

To my rescue was a friend who sold artwork on a cruise ship; he was able to have me join him as his guest. So on May 7^th I was on a cruise. Thank God!

I had no clue what I was going to do.  All I knew is that I wasn’t done with the wonderful world of candles.

I knew that if I was to receive some divine inspiration, I would have to not think about what had happened and not think about what I was going to do…so I became FULLY PRESENT UPON THAT CRUISE.

…and Divine Inspiration hit.

(to be continued…)