Before I get into Part 5, there is part of the story that happens to be relevant to many situations going on in the lives around me…and I have used this story to help them see their situation differently.

My very last job “working for the man” was with a custom clothing company.  My sales manager was a power hungry control freak.  He used to have a morning meeting every morning at7am sharp.  If you were 1 minute late, you were docked $5. After our morning meeting we would go on our day of appointments that we made the days prior. We were expected back in the office no later than 3:30 in the afternoon and if we were 1 minute late, we were docked $5.  We were then expected to make phone calls for 2 hours and if we were not in our offices making calls at 5:30pm, we were docked $5.  So each day you had the potential of being docked a total of $15 if you were not in the office at the expected times.

You know, I just don’t do well with rules.  I especially don’t do well with rules that are so stiff that they stifle you. I could see his good intentions on disciplining us into good practices, so I went along with it. This was my career at the time and I would play along like a good boy.

I got a phone call from my sister and she was hysterical – “Dad had a heart attack and is in the hospital!!! You must get home immediately – we don’t know if he is going to live!!!” So, I jumped on a plane and spent the better part of the week with my family while my dad was in the hospital. And yes, he had a major heart attack and would have to undergo open heart surgery once he stabilized, though he looked like he was going to make it –  if all went well. And he did pull through and had the surgery successfully and still with us, going strong.

Upon my return from the family emergency I was greeted with the realization that for each of those days that I wasn’t in the office, I was being docked $15!!! Something clicked inside of me at that very moment. I didn’t say anything in that moment, but inside I made a decision. I knew in that instant that I could no longer work under this kind of management…it just didn’t work for me any longer. I started to make the plan for my exit…and that is exactly what I did.

At the time, I despised that manager for being such a hard ass. I now thank him for being a hard ass! If he hadn’t been such a jerk, I may not have ever started working for myself. If I hadn’t been so fed up with his “company policy” I may not have had the nerve to jump out of the nest and find my wings. I now credit his ass-ness as the foundation for me finding my own wings. I am now so thankful for that entire situation because I started to work for myself and I am where I am today because of that exact hard ass-moment.

I believe we are presented opportunities all day long on our path and sometimes we have our blinders on because of complacency. Even though we are not happy in our current situation, the fear of the unknown keeps us there. Well, sometimes doors are closed for us and it is the biggest blessing…because we may not have had the strength to close them ourselves. Sometime we must be pushed out of the nest in order to find our wings. And when the door closes in our face, it doesn’t feel good in that exact moment, but it may be the BEST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN for US!  And, I mean for us…not to us. These situations are not happening to us…they are happening for us…for us to grow.

When these doors close, they are giving us an opportunity to look around and see what doors are being presented. And believe me when I tell you, there are always other doors that are being presented and it is up to us to find them. A door is never closed if there isn’t another waiting for us. We are the ones who get in our own way. If you cannot find the door, you are getting in your own way – keeping yourself focused upon what happened to you.  We feel sorry for ourselves, “how dare they fire me from that job (that I hated so much)!!!”  It is amazing how our ego wants to hold onto jobs and situations that were truly not good for us, or that were stifling our spirit or outright squashing our spirit. If your spirit is not expanding, it is contracting. If you are not growing, you are dying.

We are made up of mind, body and spirit. And we need to learn to connect with our spirit so it can help to guide us through these times. It is the egoic mind that wants to hold onto the physical aspects of our lives – even if they are not good for our souls. Our spirit is telling us there is more to experience and we need to find out what that is…and it is a very wonderful day when we are forced out of the nest – no matter how scary it is – it a wonderful gift and we need to find out what it is. All events are being presented for us so that we can make a choice – and we are given many choices.

When these events happen, when the doors are being slammed in our face, stop, take a breath and ask, “What am I to learn here? What direction am I being guided toward that will allow my spirit to grow?” And shut up long enough to listen to where you are being guided…it is always there but we are so busy talking in our heads that we cannot hear it.

SHUT THE HELL UP! QUIET YOUR MIND FOR ONCE IN YOUR LIFE AND GET OUT OF YOUR OWN WAY!

STOP TRYING TO THINK YOUR WAY OUT OF THE PAPER SACK.  Your inner guidance system doesn’t work when you are trying to think.  You will never think your way out of something…so stop trying.

Do some exercises to shut down your brain. If you can shut down your brain, even if it is just for a few moments – I promise you, your life will change – IN THAT INSTANT. I know it sounds a bit silly for me to make that claim, but humor me. It is when we shut down our brain, the egoic mind, that we find our inner strength and our inner guidance.

Try this. Take your fingers and plug your ears. Then take several long deep breaths. With your fingers in your ears you will be able to hear the breath coming into your body and you will feel the breath filling your lungs. Listen to your breath as it enters, fills and then exits your body. Plugging your ears just helps you be able to hear and focus upon this process. Now do this right now. Plug your ears and take 3 long deep breaths, following the breath as you bring it in, as you fill your lungs, as you hold it for a brief moment, then as it leaves your body. 3 breaths, right now. I will wait. Oh yeah, shut your eyes too.

BREATHING….

Other than feeling a bit silly for sitting at your desk at work and shutting your eyes with your fingers in your ears – do you remember thinking of anything other than your breath? Where you able to follow the breath in and out without thinking about the troubles of the day? Where you able to do this on at least one of the breath cycles?

If you were able to follow the breath and not think of the troubles of the day, you achieved PRESENT MOMENT. You achieved the CENTERING OF YOUR MIND. When you are present enough to follow your breath, you are being PRESENT in that moment.

It is only in the present moment where peace lives.

If you were able to be present during your breath, you probably have slowed your heart rate, but most of all – you shut down your brain!  Even if it was just a brief moment…the power of being present is very strong. It is life’s moments of being present that help us during all of the rest of life. The more times you can become PRESENT in the MOMENT, the more peaceful the rest of your life will become. You will be able to have a clearer mind; you will find yourself making decisions that follow the expansion of your spirit (rather than decisions based in fear, which will eventually squash your spirit).

Peace of mind is the greatest gift that we can have and it is a gift that only you can give yourself.

No one else can give you this gift. The greatest part of this is that YOU CAN GIVE YOURSELF THIS GIFT. This is a choice. You can choose peace. And you can choose to give yourself peace by learning how to become present in the midst of the storm.  Look up the word EQUANIMITY.

When you find your mind racing and you are out of control…try this little trick and see if you can stop the vicious cycle of a mind out of control. Stop what you are doing (don’t do this while driving), remove yourself if you must, go to the restroom and sit in the stall if you have to…and plug your ears and take as many mindful breaths as you can until you can be present during at least 3 of them…but the more the merrier. This will center you in that moment. You will be able to then handle your problems a little bit clearer… and you may even find your inspiration. Either way, you will be stopping the mind and finding a moment of peace. Peace is a powerful thing once you tap into it. It is contagious. You may find your life becoming peaceful.

Now isn’t that the greatest gift you could give yourself?

In May of 2005 I started Jimmy Belasco Soy Candles. I decided to use my name, 1) because I didn’t have much time, 2) there was a very good chance that there wasn’t another candle company using the name Jimmy Belasco and 3) I knew it would be hard to top the name Er’go…it really was a great name. While I am here, this is an interesting side note.  The name Er’go would have been good for so many things: Er’go Spas, Er’go Haircare Systems, Er’go Home…it really could have been a wonderful brand.

Well, at one point during the Er’go years, I had decided I wanted to move into skin care products and I was lead to a gentleman in my town, named Prakash. All that I knew was that he had a lab and he helped formulate products and produce them for small companies, and he came highly recommended.  How wonderful…and he was local. Candace, who worked with me at the time, and I went to go see this gentleman to talk product. We walked in and the lobby was very nice…nicer than what you would expect for a lab/production facility. We didn’t think that much about it, just noted it.  We sit down and he tells me that he has been following my success in the soy candle industry and I have to tell you, it made me feel really good.  I was feeling pretty good about myself.  Then he said, let me tell you a little bit about my background. Well…it turns out that we were sitting in front of the man who helped build the brand Aveda! This is the gentleman who began working with Horst, the founder of Aveda, when Horst was making products in his kitchen. He told us that Horst gave him ½ of the kitchen in his home to create product and he created every product from that point up until the company was sold to Estee Lauder in 1997. Wow! We were sitting in front of the man who was the creative force behind Aveda! Holy Bat Poop! Boy, did I feel stupid for feeling so important just a few minutes prior!  But the excitement of being able to work with this gentleman outweighed my smallness.  When Candace and I got in the car and out of his ear-shot…we screamed like little girls!

Now do you see why I dreamed of Er’go Hair Care Systems & Er’go Advanced Skin Care Products? Oh well, that was one of the dreams that ended when I left that company.

OK, back to the beginning of Jimmy Belasco Soy Candles. With this company I vowed to never allow one person or group attain the majority of the company so I would never be in that position again. The only issue with that is – you have to work with the money provided and that is all she wrote. So I took on investors again, but none would have the majority. I had to take on investors because I left the previous company with not one penny – nothing.

Everything was going just fine, we were growing and growing through 2006 & were experiencing a 30% growth through 2007.  So we built the infrastructure to handle this growth. We hired people and moved into a nice office. I had never experienced anything other than growth and success…it was what I knew.  Then we went to market in January 2008 and everyone looked around and said, “What the Hell just Happened!” The bottom had fallen out of the market. The market orders were way down at the shows! Uh oh! Instead of a 30% continuation of growth, all of a sudden we were experiencing a 30% decline! Stores stopped ordering! Then stores started closing! And my infrastructure was built for a 30% increase! I was bleeding money! Holy BLEEP!

I just couldn’t peel off my infrastructure fast enough, each month we were going deeper and deeper in the hole.  Every two weeks was a struggle to make payroll. We finally had to begin letting people go and eventually moved out of the offices and moved back into my home office with me and two other employees – into a room that really should only house two people. Then came the day that I couldn’t make payroll and my best friend who was working for me had to leave. That was a very sad and horrific day. My world was collapsing. I was behind on my mortgage and my car payment. I was paying everybody else and not covering my own bills – I was so far behind on my mortgage that if I didn’t make a payment by a certain date they were going to begin the foreclosure process.  And mind you, I have a dozen dogs and a cat named George – all rescues, and there would have been no way I could have kept them in any other housing situation. My home is the perfect place, nestled in the woods of a great old neighborhood. It would have been an absolute disaster. I also had to start parking my car in odd places because I was afraid they were going to come pick it up. I couldn’t raise any more money by taking on more investors or I would lose control of my company. I had no more credit left on my credit cards – my back was completely up against the wall. I was nearly paralyzed with fear.  But the only thing was – I didn’t even know it.

I have never operated out of fear. I had never run a business with fear. I was fearless in business. So I didn’t recognize it when it had enveloped me. I had no clue until one day I was on the phone talking with a friend and she asked me, “So what are you afraid of?” and I nearly automatically answered, “nothing”…and I caught myself and just then a rush of every fear I had filled me!

I was afraid of losing my home, my business…my everything. Wow. I was totally in absolute fear and that fear was creating my reality.  I learned early on: what you focus upon – you get. I used this tool to help me build my businesses…and now it was working against me and helping me tear down my business. The funny thing, though not so funny, is that I had NO CLUE that it was my focus. It had become my main focus for over a year and a half and I hadn’t figured it out until that very moment when my friend asked me that question, “What are you afraid of?” And boy was that a long list.

I was so mad at myself for letting this happen.  I know that I didn’t create the economy’s collapse…but I didn’t help the matter by focusing upon all that could go wrong instead of all that could go right.  My main focus for nearly two years was upon all that could go wrong and it sure was. I was afraid of losing my house and I was within an ass hair of losing my house – that was one of my main fears.

That night on my nightly walk (I walk at night as a form of mediation. My usual goal is to not think, but rather simply be present on the walk – feel the breeze, hear the crickets and clear my head) I was fuming. I had learned years before to confront your fears and release them. So I was saying, “bring em on! What am I afraid of?” and they would come to me, I would look at the fear, thank it and release it. next? Then another fear would come in and I would do the same. I cannot tell you that it always works and the fears leave forever…but this is definitely a great exercise to “exercise” or extricate your fears. By the time the walk was over I felt a ton lighter. I have been now working on this exercise for about a year. I still have some fears, I wouldn’t be human if I didn’t…but my main focus isn’t upon my fears. I know that to succeed, my focus must remain upon where I want to go and where I want to be in life and in business. What you focus upon – you get.

The truth is that the gift industry got hit real hard. I lost over ½ of my business in the period of two years. The past several years have been the absolute toughest years of my entire life – hands down – emotionally, physically and financially.

It got down to the point where I had nearly no staff and I was making candles, packing orders and I personal packed and shipped every order we had for two years.  If I hadn’t been there to do it, we would have been out of business. I am very thankful that I didn’t get injured during that period or we would have been forced to shut the company down. It truly was a daily struggle to keep the lights on. There honestly is no reason I should still be in business; in fact, I am not sure how I still am. I think it was because I made that decision one day to see what would happen if I just didn’t quit.

Part 5. I again experienced the power of manifesting my thoughts. I came up with an idea to grow the business without taking on any more investors – I pitched the idea to a few of my business peers and there were no takers. A year later I am approached by a company offering me the exact idea I had pitched the year before– only better. To be continued…

I knew that if I was to receive some divine inspiration, I would have to not think about what had happened and not think about what I was going to do…so I became FULLY PRESENT UPON THAT CRUISE.  I could tell you every time a buffet was going to open and I mapped out my day of activities and lectures. I would sit by the pool and watch all the festivities (and people watch) or I’d sit on the deck and read or watch the water.  I truly kept my mind off of what all had transpired over the past year and didn’t try to figure out what I was going to do.

On my journey to that point, I had learned that if I wanted to receive TRUE inspiration, I had to stay present.  I had to stop thinking. I had to stop thinking about the past or the future. I had to remain present so I could create the space for the inspiration to come. I had to quiet my mind so when inspiration hit, I was open and able to receive it. This usually isn’t too easy if you are in your regular environment, this is why the cruise was a wonderful place to lose my self in the present moment.

Somewhere around the very end of the cruise, I had what I call an information bubble come down upon me and I received the entire plan of what I was going to do. It truly was an amazing experience. The cruise ended on May 14^th…and somehow when the Dallas Gift Show began on June 24^th I was at market with a new company, 17 new fragrances, new packaging (that won Best New Product at the NY International Gift Fair 6 months later), printed catalogs, showrooms set up across the country along with 60+ sales reps – all of this in about 5 ½ weeks!

It was a magical time and I wasn’t even really stressed much.  It all came together easily, though there was definitely some effort…but it just flowed. When things like this happen, you know it is true inspiration. I also had done quite a bit of manifesting over the years and knew how to play the game…and the game is mostly TRUST. Trusting that I was on my path and the cards would all be there as I needed them – and they were.

Over the years I have had to learn how to focus. What you focus upon – you get. I knew that once I knew where I wanted to go my focus had to be solely upon where I wanted to go and not upon the situation I was currently in. This is what pulled me through the tough times…and trust me, they were tough. I always referred to my previous business as “my baby”. Even though I didn’t own the majority of it, it was my conception, my dream, my passion – and it had been, as some might say, taken from me.  But at the time, I knew that this was not happening TO ME, but FOR ME.

Just as the previous business ended and it turned out to be the best thing that could have happened FOR ME, I knew this would be the same.  And you ask, “look how this ended, how could this be the best thing?” Well, if I hadn’t been able to experience my Er’go Candle years, I wouldn’t have built my reputation in the candle world.  And even though the end of the period didn’t end so smoothly, it paved the way for my current experience. All of what happened was a blessing. It was simply the stepping stone for the next phase…that company wasn’t my end-all be-all…just a stepping stone. I was unable to grow any further and it was time to move on. I had to let it go so I could move forward…and that is what I did.

In Part 4 the economy hits and I experience true fear, more so than ever before in my life.

So, as I was saying… I sought out this soy wax thing. It sounded like a great natural, clean option and the name Soy Wax was catchy. One my biggest driving forces was the fact that I had educated myself on the world of Premium Fragrances and was beginning to work with some very intricate fragrance blends and paraffin has a petroleum smell to it that bastardized these amazing fragrances.  Soy wax answered the issue of the petroleum smell.

Well, low and behold, I ran into Michael Richardson, the creator of the first soy wax formula, at the Extracts show in NY when he was looking for people to buy his newly perfected formula of soy wax.  At the time he had a few earthy, granola types (I am not putting these people down, I am a tree hugger too but just don’t look as crunchy) buying his wax, but no national brands had picked up on it yet – probably due to the fact that at the time soy wax was considerably more expensive than paraffin.  There also wasn’t any demand yet for products that were “good” for you.  This was before Wholefoods became the major player that it is today. People weren’t looking at ingredients like they do today. I figured that I could take this earthy product, marry it with high end premium fragrances and package it for the upper end gift and spa markets…and that is exactly what I did.

By the time I was ready to start working with this new found wax, my company, DIG, was folding due to my business partner’s focus taking a downward spiral. He filed personal bankruptcy and the fact that his name was attached to the SBA loans, it took us down.

In six weeks, nearly to the day, from me walking out the door from DIG I had begun a new company, Er’go Candle, and was at market selling my new wares and my new soy wax. Let me tell you, it was a “teaching experience”.  I had to educate people on the difference between a vegetable wax and what paraffin wax is made of – petroleum oil. I had a few years before any other national brand began to “offer” soy “alongside” their paraffin offerings and about that long before it really started to take off. Other candle companies used to laugh at me when I would say “soy wax is the future of the candle industry”. They all thought it was a fad and would be gone in a few years.  Now nearly every single one of them offers soy wax in their lines or has switched completely over to soy because of the demand. Now the first question asked in most cases when someone enters your booth at market is, “Are these soy candles?” Soy wax is now a multi-billion dollar industry that isn’t going away any time soon.

Needless to say, we had some moderate success selling soy candles. At the peak of our success, a group of the investors, a family who acquired the majority position in the company, decided to “go in a direction that did not include Jimmy Belasco”. This is exactly what the customer service staff was advised to say when asked. And quite frankly, I wasn’t interested in the direction to which they were going…so they had to either kill me or vote me off the island.

I was voted off my island on May 2, 2005. Trust me; it was a bit more of a roller coaster than this highly polished version.

To my rescue was a friend, who worked in a wonderful position on a cruise ship, who was able to have me join him as his guest. So on May 7^th I was on a cruise. Thank God!

I had no clue what I was going to do.  All I knew is that I wasn’t done with the wonderful world of candles.

To come…

Part 3

I knew that if I was to receive some divine inspiration, I would have to not think about what had happened and not think about what I was going to do…so I became FULLY PRESENT UPON THAT CRUISE…

In the early 90′s I had a custom clothing business…and hated it.  In the mid 90′s my friend and I started a company named Design Initiative Group, DIG. We took some items to market, other people’s creations: rolled beeswax candles, scented “dream pillows”, cool hammocks, and one item that we would make if we sold any…a small votive cup that we hand applied gold leaf, oxidized which created a beautiful candle cup. The little votive cups were just an afterthought, but we sold a hundred at our first show inDallasand the same inAtlanta- we could easily make these ourselves in our spare time. When we attended the San Francisco Gift show the Nordstrom buyer came and ordered 4,000 of these little votive cups!!! After she left the booth, we jumped up and down like little girls…until it struck us that we were going to have to MAKE THEM OURSELVES! We had never seen 4,000 of anything… BLEEP!!!

We made them in the heat of Texas summer in a carport…gold leaf all throughout the neighborhood – not kidding. The Nordstrom buyer was specific about the fact that it had to have a “poured, fragranced candle” inside. We were only selling them as a candle cup, not filled with a candle. Well, at the time because we were so excited for the order and we didn’t really know better, we didn’t charge for the additional candle…nor did we understand the production process involved in making these little decorative candle cups. We worked for two long, hot months and somehow shipped the order on time.  We probably didn’t make a penny, except due to the fact that we did the labor by ourselves. The candles were a hit and they reordered…and yes, we were still too stupid to charge more for the second round…pretty – maybe, but not smart.

So we taught ourselves how to pour candles, expanded the line and immediately stopped selling other people’s stuff…and became a candle company in the first six months of being in business. That company became a moderate success…and I became like a mad scientist.  I wanted to work on all the issues that made candles not burn well – and correct them.  I learned everything I could about waxes, wicks and fragrance.  The year or so before we closed the business down, I started hearing about something new…something called “soy wax”.

My wonderful dog Pepper, the neurotic one, was left alone in my home office wearing the “cone of shame”, as I refer to it, because of a recent surgery. (Pepper thinks he is a bad ass…and he isn’t…and he picked a fight with the head bad ass in the pack and basically got disemboweled last week…yeah, not pretty.) So, Pepper was getting some special treatment and kept away from the other dogs so he wouldn’t tear open his stitches (8 inches long down the center of his belly).  Well, apparently he decided that he needed to get on top of every desk in my home office, of which there are 3, and systematically knock EVERYTHING off and onto the floor (I am still looking for my phone).  He somehow opened Internet Explorer 39 times (I think he ordered some things online – I guess I will have to wait for them to arrive in the mail), he opened nearly every program I have, he opened several emails and actually started to respond to one of them ( I am NOT kidding…the response was simply the letter Z repeated over and over…but a response none the less) , so if you received a weird email from me…MY DOG DID IT!

I was actually pretty calm when I discovered this…I guess I was just so amazed at his efficiency.  He even succeeded at knocking over a short two drawer filing cabinet upon which sat our fax machine…now all laid out nicely on the floor…beeping and flashing at me.

For one brief moment I thought about killing him…but remembered that I hadn’t finished paying for the operation to put his intestines back inside his body…I have to at least wait until he is paid off.  Happy Friday!!!!

For example, I utterly dislike the entire process of moving myself or anybody else into a new home or office…the act of moving is about my least favorite thing to do on this planet.  If I started the days before the dreaded event by stating how bad I hated it and how “horrible it is going to be” and how tired I am going to be because I HATE TO MOVE, the move is going to be a very painful process.

But, if I can begin stating, “It’ll go easily and effortlessly”, “easily and effortlessly…”, “easily and effortlessly…” everything is easy and effortless…just you watch, it is more likely that the overall move will go along with much less pain.

Your attitude has so much to do with the process.  And the words you choose to describe the process tend to define your attitude.  Change your defining words and you will change the overall experience of the task.

You can set the pace of your day by keeping your attitude in the positive position.  Having a negative attitude doesn’t make the process easier for anyone…especially those who have to listen to you.

“Easily and Effortlessly” can be your new motto.  Choose your defining words carefully…your life experience depends on it.

You have a choice, you can think and think and think to come up with an idea that will usually be just shy of mediocre or you can allow true creativity to flow through you… true inspiration.

If we are mind, body and spirit and you have the choice to come up with your next big idea from your mind or your spirit, which do you think would be a better idea?  Hmm?

But how do we connect with our spirit?  Well, one of the ways is to quiet the mind and allow the spirit part of our equation to come through.  The more you are focused in the present moment, the clearer your mind is to receiving the connection with your spirit.  But for many, quieting the mind is one of the major challenges in life.

When I am in the process of creating a new product or resolving an issue, I purposely stop thinking about it.  I visualize containing the idea in a ball and throw it out in front of me…trusting that the inspired idea or resolve to the issue will come back to me when it is time.  The trick is to do so… and trust. This process has yet to fail me.

We all have a connection with the Divine if we will only get out our own way and let it come through.  Do you think that only certain “special” people have the ability to connect with their spirit?  We all have the ability—we just need to learn how to get out of the way and let it come through.

True creativity flows when we let go of the need to control everything… and we quiet our minds.

I promise you that when Melissa Etheridge is up on stage giving us chills, she is not thinking… about the notes or the pronunciation of the words…she’s not thinking.  Melissa, when on stage, gets into the zone. In music, being in the zone means to become one with the music…there is no thinking…there is only being.  In that moment of being one with the music, she is being present with that moment…totally engaged in that moment.

The more we can quiet our mind (please read Plug Your Ears and Listen) and the more we are present with the people and the actions of our daily lives, the more we connect with and begin to operate in harmony with our spirit.

Throughout my other entries I spell out some of the tools (check out my Tools section) I have used to help me clear my mind, keep present in the moment and connect with my spirit.

Let go of trying to control everything with your mind…

Let it go, let it go, let it go…

Let it go and find love.

Let it go and find happiness.

Let it go, let it go, let it go!

By letting go of your anger, resentment, guilt, shame, jeolousy, hatred (the list goes on) you open the door for true love, true peace and true happiness.  The doorway to each of these is only large enough for you to enter–without ANY extra baggage.

Let it go, let it go, let it go…

Accepting the things in life over which you have no power and knowing the ONLY thing in life over which you do have power: the thoughts you choose to think–period. 

The key to happiness is when you realize and accept that the entire world is out of your control.  Think about it, over what do you believe you have complete control in this world?  There is not a person or an event over which you have control.  There truly is nothing but the thoughts you choose to think.  In fact, you cannot even control all of your thoughts.  The only thing over which you possess full control are your chosen thoughts, which in turn create your chosen actions.  The sooner you learn this simple fact, the happier your life will be.